Points to Ponder

The Uphill Battle

2010-06-26T11:48:00.004-05:00

John is an avid bike rider. He does races, he rides for miles and miles upon end, and he competes in triathlons. He owns a road bike that has 18 speeds, two in the front and nine in the back. Early on Saturday mornings, you can find him sprinting around White Rock Lake at a speed of 22 mph. Don't blink, you might miss him!

This morning at 7:00, he was up and out the door before I was even awake. (Sleeping in is the best part of Saturdays, in my book) However, around 9:00, he came rolling back in the house feeling alive and revived. I, on the other hand, was still in my PJs moping around the house trying to stir up some cereal for breakfast. With a smile from ear to ear, John said, "Okay...Let's go!"

I glanced up from my stance in the kitchen and eyed him for a moment. Is he serious? I am not going out...I still have on my pajamas! But John's smile did not budge. "Are you gonna ride in that getup?" he asked.

UGH! Not really wanting to go, I forced myself to put on some Capri pants, a sleeveless shirt and sneakers.

Outside in the brightness of the day, I started to feel a little more awake. The sun was shining down on the pavement and beating down on my skin. It was HOT! But when we started riding, a cool breeze began to cool my face. OK! I thought. This is going to be OK!

Out the gate, across Jupiter, and down the first neighborhood street was easy as pie. We weaved around through the neighborhood streets with ease, turning corners and pumping up tiny hills. I was loving it. Being out in the morning sun with my husband was making my heart happy. It was a dream.

We were flying down Rolling Rock when I spotted the next leg of our journey. A hill as tall as Pike's Peak. (Dun, dun, dun...) My strategy was to gain enough speed to fling myself half way up the hill then I could pedal the rest of the way to the top and (hopefully) not get to tired. Little did I know that gravity doesn't work that way. The fling only got me about a fourth of the way up the hill and when I started pedaling, I still had a LONG way to go before making it to the top.

Panic set in. I really did not want to have to stop half way through to catch my breath. So I started trying to think of something other than what I was doing. I noticed that the sign at the top of the hill said Lubbock Street, so I said to myself, Lubbock...I can make it to Lubbock...Oh wait! Lubbock is really about 600 miles away. Oh, I can't do this...Lord help me do this!

That is when the weirdest thing happened. I felt this hand on the small of my back. It was as if God had reached down and was giving me a little push like a daddy does when teaching a child to ride for the first time.

I heard this small voice whisper in my ear, "You can do it honey. Keep pedaling." That is when I realized that God put John's hand on my back and he was helping me get up that hill. Honestly, it was such an amazing experience to have someone love me so much that he would ride beside me and give me a little push up the hill.

I think that is what God meant to happen in marriage. He meant for each person to help the other by giving a little push. He meant for us to carry each other through the uphill battles of life.

Thank you Lord for knowing just what I needed and giving it to me so freely.

Can we become a more understanding world?

2009-12-29T14:13:00.003-06:00

Today, I was standing in line behind an elderly couple at Walmart. They had received a check of some kind from Walmart that had something to do with their social security. All this little couple knew to do was bring the check to the store and spend it at the check out counter. Apparently the check did not come with any more explicit instructions.

The lady behind the counter was already moving extra slow, and I think the couple was a little perturbed by her inability to check efficiently. However, the man's aggravation was pricked even more highly when the cashier didn't know what to do with the check he had handed her.

She looked strangely at him as if the check were written in some kind of foreign language. After a moment, she simply inquired, "What is this?"

That sent this man over the edge.
"What do you mean, what is this?" he growled at her.
She was unfazed at his reply.
"I got this check in the mail from Walmart!" he snapped, again.

"Well, sir, I have never seen anything like this before. I don't know what to do with it," the cashier responded as if she didn't even realize that there was a problem. She flipped on the light to her lane and waited for help to arrive.

That is when I started thinking.

This world is really not good to the elder generation. We don't take the time to explain things to those in this world who don't understand all the new fangled technology that comes out every day. We tend to just get offended by or become numb to the anger and frustration of others who just don't get it.

When the manager came to help the cashier, she simply began barking instructions to this little couple... Enter your social security number, sign the machine, enter your number again, etc.

The man just started grumbling under his breath to his wife. "Why do they send you checks that you can't use? Why can't they just send me the money in a way that I can put it in the bank? I hate it when they try to confuse me this way!"

That kind of "help" doesn't seem to solve the problem at all. It just heightens the frustration of everyone involved.

Maybe instead of snapping directions at elderly customers, managers should train people to patiently explain the reasons for how and why things work the way that they do. Instead of becoming aggravated with why someone doesn't understand, instruct them in a nice tone of voice so that they will comprehend the situation. Instead of passing people off as unteachable, find a way to teach them on their own terms.

More Happies

2009-12-23T17:39:00.003-06:00

Sometimes it is hard to find your happies when you keep bumping into things that make you sad. Found a pic of Jeff today in the bottom of a drawer I was cleaning out. I know it is not spring, but I am cleaning (sort of) anyway.

This picture was of Jeff on the week before Dad died. Why is it so hard to remember around the holidays? What makes this time so much harder than any other? But, I tried real hard today and still came up with some happiness.

*The walk through at Winfrey Point...now we know exactly what to do to make our wedding day special.
*PIZZA for Lunch
*My bff going with me to get my WEDDING DRESS!!!
*A smooth ride at the tuxedo shop
*Long nap in the middle of the day with with the one I love
*Dancing to Hard Rock Christmas music
*Getting wedding things done while John and I are off work
*Stuffing stockings full of silly toys for the girls
*Wrapping Christmas gifts
*Movies at home
*A peaceful evening at home with John

All these drops of fun replace the drops of tears. Thank you Lord for happiness!!!!

Tuesday Happy things

2009-12-22T06:48:00.003-06:00

*When 6:30 turns into 7:00
*Spending an extra day with the girls
*Starbucks
*Spending the day with John
*Warmer temperatures this morning

Look for more happies on facebook today.

Monday's Happy Things

2009-12-22T06:45:00.002-06:00

*Shopping with John
*My sister doctoring me at the dentist office
*Shopping with John
*Cold Stone Chocolate Devotion
*Shopping with John
*Watching Little Women
*Shopping with John
*Greek for lunch
*Shopping with John
*Stir Fry for dinner and cuddling on the couch

5 happy things from yesterday

2009-12-21T08:41:00.003-06:00

Whew! Yesterday was filled with so much happiness that I just didn't have time to write it all down.

*Time spent in "The Well" with good friends
*Lunch with my bff group and the bfitw (best fiance in the world)
*A long Sunday afternoon of nothing but lazing around
*A nap close to the one I love
*Short lines at Walmart
*Fast Christmas shopping where the gifts just fall into your hands
*When my fiance makes me hot tea just because he loves me
*Deep breaths
*Planning for the week...planning for our future
*Awesome singing in church
*Children who want to be in the Christmas program
*Seeing old friends in an unexpected place
*Holding hands
*His arms around me
*The love in his eyes

Five happy things - Day 3

2009-12-19T10:09:00.002-06:00

*Riding along side John in his training run.
*Hot Chocolate at Barbec's
*Warm showers
*Time for naps before a long day
*Little girls

Only 5 come to mind right now, but I am sure there will be more to come before this day comes to an end. Look for more.

Things that make me happy - Day 2

2009-12-18T09:43:00.004-06:00

Yesterday I went completely overboard on the happiness...I will try to stick to my 5 today, but I am not promising anything.

*Early morning texts
*"Mmmmmm!"
*"Mwah!"
*Free snacks
*Christmas gifts that are really useful

*Knowing that my name will not have to have a number following it forever...Ponder 4
*Coughing
*Children who love me even after they have been punished
*Reindeer made of clay
*Short days
*Making dinner for my honey
*Thoughts of the future

So, good thing I didn't promise only 5! Happy Friday!

Thought of some more happy for today!

2009-12-17T20:06:00.003-06:00

John Burns
The love that John shows me every day
Trust
Connecting with old friends
Learning new things about old friends
Memories...
A rockin' song on the radio
22 hours and 51 minutes
Early release days
Sunshine and warmer weather
Cheese
Juice (it cures everything)
Sleeping until 6:10 am
Jeans days
Christmas
Sisters

More than 5 things...

2009-12-17T12:37:00.004-06:00

Bread pudding
Frosty the Snowman
Recess
Silly girls doing crazy cheers
Free baked potatoes for lunch
Free cups for the Winter party
Happy children
Quiet classrooms
A calm before the storm
Happy, cooperative parents
An unexpected hug
Information from helpful teacher friends
Laughter in the hallway
Unexpected gifts
Encouraging parents that love on their children/nieces/nephews/grandchildren

Five things to be happy about TODAY

2009-12-17T09:00:00.005-06:00

Yesterday my BFFs and I were Christmas shopping at Barns and Noble. We saw a calendar there that promised to give you 10 things a day to be happy about. I started reading a sample page on the back and it listed things like:

beet soup
goat cheese
sunny days
a spaghetti dinner
summer breeze
piranhas

I only found two out of a list of 10 that I found even pleasant.
I can do much better than this...

So, I made a challenge to my friends to write at least five things that make them happy everyday for a week.

Here is my list for today:

*John Burns
*Two weeks of Christmas break
*Gift certificates to Hobby Lobby
*Students who behave just because it is their nature
*Hot Tea on a cold evening

I wonder how many happy things we can come up with for the week...
Just five things for one week...

Will you take my challenge???

Who Guards the Door to Your Heart?

2009-12-11T09:47:00.005-06:00

It never ceases to amaze me how Satan can get into your heart and mind and screw things up totally!

That devil sneaks into that half cracked-open door to your heart. When you least expect it, he stomps all over everything that is right. He has a way of squashing your dreams, twisting your words, and crumbling your emotions. He can take that one pure idea that you have been loving on for so long, and destroy it so badly that it becomes unrecognizable.

So, I ask you, how does one stop that from happening? How does one put up a barrier to keep Satan out? How does one guard all that is precious to them?

The only answer I have is to give it all to the LORD.

Let God hold all your feelings, all your words, all your dreams, all that is pure and holy in your life, so that Satan cannot so easily acquire them!

Let Jesus be the guard of your heart, standing between you and Satan, so that he will not be able to break you down!

Let the Holy Spirit store up good within your heart. Let Him gather up love, praise, scripture, adoration, and obedience so He can nurture your soul and spirit.

Satan will never be able to compete with that!

And remember to surround yourself with what is good...good friends, good role models, good loved ones, good prayers, good scripture reading, good... on and on and on.

Thank you Lord for surrounding me with so much good! Lord, I pray that you help me to ALWAYS seek You so that Satan cannot find the door to my heart.

A Comforting Prayer

2009-12-10T08:28:00.009-06:00

"Hurry! Hurry!" she shouted to her sister, "We've got to go! We only have an hour left to figure out all the clues!" The two babies in the backseat were having so much fun on the Christmas Scavenger Hunt that our bible class was putting on. We had just left the Penguin Mailbox where I had just danced a jig and sang, "Please Mr. Postman." We rushed back to the car and sped to the next stop with our friends in tow in the car behind us.

All of us had a great deal of fun popping in and out of our cars, taking pictures of silly Christmas yard art, singing carols to strangers, and searching for mistletoe for some good ole smooch-a-roos!

When arriving back at the house, I realized that I had not brought the cord to hook up my camera to the computer. The judges of the hunt could not see all objects that our team had found. What a way to let my team down. I was heart broken. But one of the Computer Smarty Pants Guys came to the rescue...they figured out how to rig my camera up to the TV, directly. Thank goodness for computer geeks!

But, then we faced the challenge of finding the pictures I had taken that night because I had not cleaned off my camera in about a month and had many pictures ahead of the ones taken that day. I knew that this concern was aggrivating other people and holding up the process.

Frustrated beyond control, I fled from the house and dashed down the street to try to clear my head. It was dark outside, but the neighborhood was all aglow with the season of Christmas. Lights donned almost every house on the street. Yards were decorated with Santa, the reindeer, Tweety Bird and penguins on mailboxes.

But toward the end of my trot down the street, I finally came across Jesus.

He was standing right there in front of me, holding his arms out inviting me in for a tender hug. I had cried all the way down the street, before I finally asked Him to help me. It is funny how I tend to ask Jesus to help more than God, these days. I guess Jesus just seems more real to me. After all, He was the one who walked on this earth. He felt all the things we feel and experienced similar things that we experience.

I found myself calling out to Him, longing for Him to ease my anxiety. I was begging Him to give me patience and comfort and understanding.

AND He did!
Just like that!
It is amazing how that works!
All you have to do is ask!

So Lord, what I ask now is that you help me remember You are here for me in all occasions, happy or sad, excitement or disappointment, anxiety or elation. And Lord, let me remember to live this out in my life so that I can be an example of your love to those babies in the backseat.

Riding along side my future

2009-12-09T10:41:00.010-06:00

Walking along side someone and helping to carry their burden is what each of us is called to do by God on a daily basis.

I wonder if driving along side someone answers this calling?

Every Saturday or Sunday morning, John wakes up at the crack of dawn to go running. He has been training for the White Rock Marathon. Each time he goes, I text him a good morning / good luck wish and I start to pray for his safety. But this past weekend, John decided to ask me to come along.

Not being a runner, I was curious as to how it was going to all work out. But, as usual, John had a plan. He had plotted out a route that I could drive while he ran along side the car.

I have always wondered what it is like for him out there, running alone for such long distances. I have a million questions about his time on the trail.

Where does the trail take him?
What does he think about that whole time?
How does he interact with other people on the trail?
How does he keep from getting too tired?
When does he stop to drink or eat?

Well, last Saturday morning, I was able to learn the answers to many of these questions.

When we arrived at White Rock Lake, I let John out at the entrance of Lawther Rd, off of Garland. He did a warm up jog by running west toward the Spillway and back. Meanwhile, I parked the car and waited for him to come back around.

I was watching the other runners, trying to wrap my brain around why anyone would want to get out in the freezing cold weather to do this kind of exercise. It just doesn't appeal to me at all, and I can't figure out why there are so many other people who love to do it.

I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I missed when John ran past the car. He was on the trail, and I on the street, but if I had been paying attention there was no way I could have missed him. I had to be a little speedy to catch up to him, but when I did, riding right along side him, matching his pace, was easy. He turned to catch my eye and blew me a kiss.

Being so early in the morning it was a cinch to ride right next to him along the road without obstructing other cars. It wasn't until we were climbing the hill at Winfrey Point that I encountered another vehicle. But the driver was patient as he cruised along behind me at 4 mph. At the top of the hill, I moved aside and allowed him to pass. John and I made our way down the other side of the hill before parting. He continued to follow the trail as I drove out of the park and around to the other side near the Stone Tables.

It was so cold that some of the excess water in the field and gutters had frozen solid. As we cruised along together, I noticed that John was trying to talk to me. I rolled down the window to a blast of frigid air. I could see John's breath as he huffed along up the hill we were traveling. He was pointing to the water and telling me he wanted to come back to investigate it later.

We were finally on the last leg of the journey, and John seemed to pick up his pace a little. We had to separate again when the trail went the opposite direction from the road. John made it to his finish before I did.

On the way down the hill to the Bath house parking lot, I got to thinking...that this is my future. I am not only riding along side a friend while he trains for a marathon. I am riding along side my future. And I thank you Lord for giving me someone so wonderful to train with for the marathon of my life.

2009-07-20T19:53:00.004-05:00

I have fallen in love...

Not that "Oooo, he's cute" kind of love.
Not the "I wonder what it would be like to have him" kind of love.
Not even the "I can imagine myself married to him" kind of love.

I have surpassed the crush.
I have overtaken the infatuation.
I have sped past the giddy, butterflies in the stomach stage.

Now I am living in the truth of love.
Prosiding in the trust of love.
Abiding in the sacrifice of love.

And I don't choose to be anywhere but here.

Thank you Lord! Thank you! For answering all the prayers that asked for this love!
It is "more than I could ever ask for or imagine"!

2009-07-16T19:05:00.002-05:00

I am just not a Math person! I try to be...and part of me wants to be, because I think it would make me a better teacher. But I just can't force myself to fight for a chair in these workshops. So, I sit. I sit here in a chair that lines the wall of the outer sanction of the conference hall.

I chair among many. And I watch.

I feel a bit silly watching all these dedicated teachers rush around, toting their goods. They all have either large tote bags or buckets on wheels, all toppling with handouts, laptops, books, manipulatives, pens, paper, pencils, and many other items they have purchased from Math vendors. And here I sit. Just watching in awe of their determination to make the most of this three day conference!

And, yet, I sit!

I am a little envious-for I long to learn,but my great indifference toward math keeps me planted...watching...as the day passes me by in the steps of Math bustling about me.

Now, if this were a Language Arts seminar, it would be a whole different story!

So, if you see me signing up for another Math conference, please remind me of this post!

2009-06-18T09:56:00.003-05:00

In the past year, the Lord has begun molding me in a way that only He could. He has changed me.

I am different.

I am His.

And that change is evident in what happened today.

I am usually kind of a shy person when it comes to meeting new people. If I am placed in a situation where I have no choice, I can be outgoing. But it is really not in my nature.

Today, I decided to get up and go on a walk. I need the exercise, but I also needed some time to think. I plugged in my headphones and headed down the parking lot. No one was out and it was peaceful to walk alone listening to Switchfoot and lost in my own thoughts.

Then God appeared...only I didn't realize it at first. I passed these three ladies who were walking together. Now, I have been told I live in the ghetto, so, of course, I shied away from speaking to them for safety's sake. But I did smile and wave.

In the course of the walk, I met several other people. A UPS delivery guy who nearly ran into me in his busyness of the morning. There was a woman with a small child who actually spoke to me, "Hola!" Hmmm... Finally, there was a nice young man who said good morning as he passed by in his blue and gold striped hoopty car.

On the second round of my trip, I spotted that group of women still walking. They were going slower and in the opposite direction than I was headed. This time when passing them, I spoke. Wow! I couldn't believe that legible words came from my lips. But suddenly, I heard my own voice say, "Good Morning, Ladies!" And then I felt a smile creep to my face.

What???

That was NOT me!

I was so shocked!

It was then that I began not just hearing the music I was marching to, but also I heard God speaking to me through the words.

He was reminding me of who He had changed me into.
He was reminding me of who He needed me to be...
who He wanted me to be...
who I wanted to be for Him.

So I hurried.

I nearly ran that third lap.

As I sprinted along, I prayed that God would open my mouth to His glory.

I prayed that He would give opportunity to show His love.

I prayed that He would open a door for Him to pass through.

I prayed for peace within my silly fear of the unknown.

Spotting the women for the last time on this journey, I slowed to a walk and approached them with confidence. Taking my earphones out, I extended my hand and spoke with the authority of the Lord.

"Hi. I have passed you three times now, and want to introduce myself to you. I am Kathryn." Each hand shake was met with a smile of interest.
The ladies walk every morning and they invited me to walk along with them sometime.

Thank you Lord!
Thank you for the chance to touch others lives in Your Name!
Lead me Lord in whatever you have planned here!

The List

2009-06-15T13:01:00.005-05:00

This is the beginning of my second week of Summer Vacation!!!

This summer is different from any other ever.
It is a time full of hope, elation, adventure, exploration, and love.
This is the summer for experiences beyond my wildest dreams.

Thank you, Lord, for giving me the blessings of this summer!

In order not to waste one single moment God is blessing me with, I have organized my activities.

Hence...THE LIST!

1. Geocaching
2. Hiking
3. Horseback riding
4. Paddle a canoe down a running river
5. Drive a race car--for no highway around here can stand the speed I would like to drive on a regular basis.
6. Go on a leisurely bike ride (may have to wait til the fall)
7. Go to the movies!!!! Public Enemies, Valkyrie, Race to Witch Mountain, Knowing, for starters
8. Dallas World Aquarium
9. Play Nertz!!!
10. Go to the Beach
11. Have a dinner party at my place
12. Listen to live music
13. See fire works
14. make stir fry
15. Cut a real pineapple
16. Plan a trip to Italy or Scotland
17. Cook something I have never made before
18. Go to the musicals
19. Decorate my back porch
20. Find the skinny Me
21. Work on my new classroom
22. Dance
23. Go to a cookout
24. Do an in depth Bible study
25. Write on my blog (hey, I am doing that today!!!)
26. Laugh and act silly a lot!!!
27. Read all my books
28. Remain in prayer
29. Hang out with the ones I love
30. Spend time getting to know someone new

I wonder if you have a list like this for yourself. Got to tell ya that making it was very fun, but hopefully not as fun as it will be completing it!

Will you take this journey with me?

2009-04-17T21:35:00.005-05:00

A student in 3rd grade hasn't stopped talking about the egg hunt all week. Apparently he had never participated in such an event.

How does a child get to the third grade without an experience as simple as that?

When I began looking for a job, I prayed that God would find me a position at Hodges Elementary. I knew that it was a low income area and the kids would need lots of love. I knew there would be many challenges waiting for me each day. But I still prayed that God would put me there.

In the last 5 years, I have been regretting that prayer. I have been so burned out that I couldn't remember why I ever had the desire to work with kids and parents who didn't seem to care. But this year, through all my own personal tragedy, I think I have found the answers I have been lacking.

Having the opportunity to put on events such as Trunk or Treat and the Easter Egg Hunt have reminded me of how much those kids at Hodges need me...not just me, but any adult that will pay attention to them. And it is better to give them positive encouraging attention rather than the negative kind they get on the streets and even in their own homes.

My prayer is that we...Christians in the area...discover new ways to support and encourage the people in this are and their children. I want this outreach ministry to incorporate teachers, public workers, and HO members who love this community and its children. I want to work together to find the ways to best support that child in 3rd grade who has never experienced the simple things in life and all the others who identify with him.

I pray that you will take this journey with me.

2009-04-02T21:48:00.009-05:00

Meet Zoe!

Some say she looks like me, but she is not mine.

She belongs (although he never knew her) to my brother,

Jeff Ponder.

When she first found us, I was very resistant to meeting her.

I thought, if Jeff didn't know her, then why should I?

So, I stayed away.

My head was a mess.

My heart was breaking.

And I continued to stay away.

My mom and sister contacted her.

They played and loved on her.

And, yet, I stayed away.

I thought I was doing the right thing.

I thought I was doing what Jeff would have wanted.
So, I stayed away.

Was I ever wrong!

After much encouragement from my mom and sis,

I asked for some advice from several very close friends.

Each one said the same exact thing...

"What do you think Jesus would do if He were in your shoes?"

But I wanted to stay away!

I didn't want to think about what Jesus would want me to do!

I knew I was right!

So, why were things still so stressful?

Why did I still feel so disconnected?

Why were things not getting better?

Then one night God spoke to me.

He opened my ears and spoke directly to my pride.

I had opened my bible to read.

The book fell open to Zechariah.

I thought...I don't want to read this.

So, I went to turn to another place. (I was thinking Psalms or something)

But in the process of trying to flip through the bible with one hand while fixing the pillows in the bed with the other,

it fell to the floor and landed

face up - back at Zechariah. Who would have thought...

So, I read.

And,

Clear as a bright spring day, He said

"Do not oppress the widow or the fatherless..."

Zechariah 7:10

The Fatherless!!!

Uh...Hello!

Could God have been any plainer?

So,

Let me present to you, Zoe Pena.

My niece...

My NIECE!

I love you, Zoe!

Every time I look into the eyes of this precious child, God speaks to me over and over again! What a blessing she is to our lives!

Thank you Lord for insisting I hear your voice!

Look for future posts on this precious child!

Ever had a Dad Moment?

2009-03-19T19:17:00.003-05:00

Today, I had a big one.

I was trying to file my taxes on line. (Yeah, I know I waited pretty late). I have used Turbo Tax for the last three years, and I love the speed and ease of it. But today, when I was reviewing the numbers, I found a potential problem. That is when I had my Dad Moment.

In my pre-panic chaotic state of mind, I reached for the phone to call him.

"Dad would know what I should do." And he would know. He always knew just what I should do, I only had to ask him.

Through clouded eyes, I fought off the shaky hands and bubbling panic and thought of who else to call.

Mom won't know what to do. Jenny's not home. Lara's not home. What do I do????

Big breath! Little Prayer!

You know what happened? This extreme peace came over me as I finally made a decision to trust my own instincts.

I don't know how to handle my Dad Moments yet. But I know that my Heavenly Father is teaching me day by day to trust in Him and myself.

Are you on Facebook?

2009-03-05T16:13:00.009-06:00

This seems to be the question of the year in my world.

If you are anybody, you are on Facebook!

I have to say that I really enjoy looking at other people's facebook pages (walls) and catching up with their lives.

People use this website for all kinds of reasons.

advertising their careers
family photo albums
selling their wares
trying to catch a mate
to get free medical advice

Some people dedicate their page to others...

new dating partners
new spouses
new babies
new puppies, kittens, birds, reptiles, etc

Some people display their artwork...

dancing toddlers
singing teenagers
tattoo art
photography, writing, painting, sketching, etc.
modeling

And some people (like me) just write about the events of their daily lives.

And while I think all of this can be interesting, I really enjoy looking at the walls where the author has discovered their real passions in life and wants to share those with everyone he/she knows.

I have one friend who has a passion for computer programming or some such technology stuff. He is always speaking in some kind of tech jargon that I have not clue how to decode. He almost always has some kind of link you can follow to learn more mind boggling technical information. And he even has a blog that you can read and respond to.

I am definitely not technical minded, but, it is his passion that intrigues me!

So, here I am reading another of his status reports about megapixils on his digital camera. My mind wanders as I don't have any idea what he means. I start to get a little sad because for the life of me, I can't remember what my passions are. I have been so bogged down in the hum drum of my life that I have lost them somewhere along the road.

Lord, I long to have passions for my heart to dwell upon endlessly.
Lord, help me find those passions that I know lie dormant in my soul.
Please bring them to the surface and help me to grasp them tightly so I do not lose them once again.

How do you talk about Jesus?

2009-01-19T19:30:00.004-06:00

A couple of weeks ago, Randy Harris wrapped up his sermon series with our church. Buffering his final lesson, there was a video that spoke volumes to me. It was a scene of a homeless man sitting outside a storefront holding a sign that said "Will you help me?"

People on the street were passing this vagrant by without a second glance, in a hurry to get to their destinations. Finally, one man, dressed in casual business attire, stopped in front of this same storefront and seemed to have an epiphany about something.

In the next frame, you see this businessman come back with two cups of coffee and plop himself down on the sidewalk next to the tramp. He strikes up a conversation and the audience is left with the impression that the businessman would stay as long as he was needed.

In the video, this act of kindness seemed easy. It was almost a testimony of how we, as Christians, are supposed to treat everyone we see each day...homeless or not. But is it really as easy as all that?

I, personally, don't relate with strangers well. How do you strike up a conversation with someone you just met on the street? How do you make small talk with the woman in line in front of you in the grocery store? How do you say more than "Hi" to the fellow sitting at the next table in a restaurant?

I just don't know.

How can I show Christ's love to strangers, if I am unaware of how to communicate effectively with them?

I wonder if there are others in the world like me. And, if there are others, what do we do to accomplish the mission that God has put so heavily on our hearts?

This may seem very basic, but I think many people want to know: How do you show or tell strangers in this world about the Lord?

So my question to you is:
How do YOU talk to others about the Lord?
How do you bring the name of Jesus up in conversation?
What techniques do you have for telling others how God has blessed you?

Is there hope for the world, or is there just hope for people like us?

2008-12-30T22:03:00.004-06:00

This quote from Randy Harris' lesson "Is There Any Room for Jesus?" stirs passions deep in me that I can't keep to myself any longer. I think about the people I come in contact with everyday. Most of them consider themselves Christians. Whether Baptist, Methodist, Catholic, or "undenominated", they all believe in Christ and his coming to save us.

But that group of people I know is just one tiny portion of the world.

What about all those people out there who either have never heard or don't know enough to believe?
What do we do about them?
Do we Christians have room for those people in our busy lives?
Any of them could be Jesus, so why do we so casually toss them aside?
Why do we ignore them so easily?

Some of these people could be your immediate family members.
Some are students or co-workers you see day in and day out.
Others are the customers in front and behind you in the grocery store line.
And still others may live right next door to you.

Put the street corner hopeless souls aside for a moment and think of all the others that you come in contact with everyday. The ones you say good morning to as you enter the workplace. Think of the people you hand exact change to each day at lunch.

Do they know the Lord and the peace only He can give them?
Forget telling them about Him...have your actions shown them the Lord lately?

In this huge world of ours, there is such a teeny part of the US. WE, Christians, know we will live with our Lord for all eternity...but what about everyone else?

Jesus' last command to his disciples was: "Go make disciples of all nations, baptizing...and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you." Matthew 28: 19-20

So, why aren't we out there finding the lonely, hopeless souls?
Why are we silent?
Why do we not scream this victory to all we see?

I know from recent experiences that you can't tell just from looking at someone what is going on in their hearts, in their personal lives, or in their homes. I also know that a genuine smile, a hug, a poke, a kind word means the world.

Live it!
That is what Jesus meant, I think.
LIVE IT everyday!!!

I pray Lord that you put people in my path in which I can show you off. I pray that you force me to smile, to hug, or to speak for you. Let me be your words!
I want to Live It for you!

2008-12-28T22:06:00.002-06:00

I have a confession to make...I went to China this summer only half wanting to do mission work. The other half of me wanted to travel. I wanted to tell the story of the trip around the world...and oh what a story God gave me to tell.

When getting ready to go, I went through a training with LST. I learned the basics on how to talk with people about the Bible. I learned how to share the story of my Christianity. I even learned how to comfort and console others through the pain of their own lives.

But the one thing I did not learn was to have compassion for those in our world who do not know The Good News of Jesus Christ. I was hoping to learn that through the work I was going to do in China.

I actually did not learn that lesson until recently.

I feel that Jesus is making this point with me in every part of my life.

I am listening, Lord! Teach me! Use me! Send me!
*************************************************************

Referring to my previous post...I saw that homeless fellow several days ago and handed him $10. My heart said he needed it. This time when I turned the corner, I no longer saw the makeshift bed and wondered if I had just been scammed.

Since then, I have come to understand that the Lord may not be asking us to give financially to the guys standing on the street corner. He is asking us to see all the hurting souls of our world, both in foreign countries and right here on our own street corners.

What the hopeless people of the world really need is our time, our conversation, our comforting touch, our listening ear.

Lord open, not only my eyes to see You in everyone around me...but also open my time, my mouth, my arms, and my ears!

Help me to not be afraid of those around me.

Help me to not be afraid of those I know NEED to know You.

Help me to not be afraid to say what needs to be said.

And Help me to shut my mouth when I don't have words that come from You.

I am here Lord. Use me as You will.

Is there really "Hope for the World?"

2008-12-14T22:21:00.006-06:00

Yesterday, when I was driving home from the market, I spotted a man standing on the street corner panhandling. I usually just try my best to ignore these fellows, never knowing for sure if they are pulling a scam. This guy was raggedy, with dirty jeans, a scuzzy white T and flannel over-shirt, a crinkled cap, torn shoes, and a nap sack over his shoulder.

As I came to a stop right next to where he was standing, I made eye contact with the man, but quickly turned away. Suddenly, the light turned green and I sped away. Turning the corner, I found myself looking back at the man wondering if he would get any donations from the cars behind me. That is when I saw a makeshift bed of ratty old blankets stuffed up under the overpass.

My heart sank.

Since then I have been unable to get that man out of my mind. The look, the brief eye contact that we did share, keeps coming back to me.

He did not look unpleasant or mentally unstable.

He was not angry.

The look simply said, "Help me if you can." And, I can! But I didn't.

**********************************************************

Randy Harris is doing a 4 week sermon series at HOCC called:

Hope for the World?

So, what hope was I giving this man? All he wanted was a little help...whatever I could give. And I couldn't even make eye contact with him.

"Whatever you do to the least of these, you do to me..." It was Jesus who spoke these words. And yesterday, He was speaking them directly to me. Too bad I wasn't listening until it was too late.

Today, I went back to that same intersection searching for Jesus...but He wasn't there anymore. Seems like, I missed my chance.

Lord forgive me! Open my eyes to see You in everyone around me!

John 11

2008-11-24T20:32:00.003-06:00

Upon his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days. When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him. "Lord," Martha said to Jesus, "If you had been here, Lazarus would not have died. But I know that even now, God will give you whatever you ask."
Jesus said to her, "Your brother will rise again."

Later in the story, Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead.

This story has been floating around in my head for days. Oh, how I repeated the words of Martha over and over to Jesus, this week, through tearful sobs. Lord, if you had been with Jeff, would he have died? And will he rise again to your open arms? These questions plague me.

However, at the same time, I sort of feel like God has already raised Jeff. I have seen, through the eyes of his friends, a new Jeff and different Jeff than I ever knew before. Thank you Lord for raising Jeff in my heart through the stories of his friends and co-workers.

I want to share with you some of my brother through the eyes of others who knew him.

"Did you know that Jeff was my first boyfriend?" spoke one young lady. "I have a wonderful memory of him coming to my 13th birthday party. He was so funny and my other friends and family fell in love with him right away. I remember that after the party, Jeff gave me the best present of the day...my very first kiss. He was so sweet and shy about it. He was a great boyfriend!"

"I grew up with Jeff. We were friends in high school and through the church youth group. He was so funny! That is what everybody said about him. He could make a joke out of any situation, and he could charm you into doing almost anything. He was fun and I will miss him dearly."

"The one thing I will always remember about Jeff is that he used to tell the best ghost stories. I remember on youth retreats or camping that he would always tell these stories and scare everybody senseless."

"I remember one summer I went away to camp. Jeff and I had been friends for a while and we talked all the time. Being away from him for so long was only bearable because he would write me letters, like every day. Then on Fridays he would mail a giant envelope filled with all the letters and pictures he had created for me. It was fun to get this package in the mail at the end of the week. I fell in love with Jeff that summer."

"I used to only see Jeff in passing, both of us in a hurry on the way to some important task. He was always smiling or cutting up with someone in the hall. A few times, I had the pleasure of catching a brief lunch with him in the cafeteria. His laugh, cracks about life, and all around light hearted attitude made those brief moments with him worth a life time. Although we were not close friends, I will miss Jeff greatly."

Thank you Lord for Jeff. Thank you for blessing all our lives with his spirit. Lord, please raise Jeff with his broken heart, his good and his bad, his hope and his desperation and hold him in your hand. Please love him and keep him safe until we can be with him and join in his contagious laughter once again.

2008-11-09T16:05:00.005-06:00

My little brother died on Thursday.

My baby brother who was barely 30 years old.

He died of a cerebral hemorrhage. He had a brain bleed, not a brain glitch.
He did not choose his own death (as we originally thought).
God chose to have him in Heaven at that very moment, so He took him straight away.

And I rejoice!

Thank you Lord for a speedy Coroner who pushed the autopsy through quickly so that the family could know the true reason for such a tragedy.

Thank you Lord for loving Jeff enough to want him with you now.

Thank you Lord for Adam, Bryan, Ben, Kricia, Jackie, and Jenny! They know the perfect way to help all of us remember Jeff's charm and personality! They comfort, hug, joke, laugh, and love together. Thank you Lord for giving me this family!

Thank you for good friends who bring food and chocolate to comfort me. Thank you for giving them a spirit filled heart. One that is willing to drive 25 miles to the other side of town to sit with me on the night before the memorial. I am so blessed!

Thank you for friends who sacrifice a little of themselves to help us through this horrible ordeal.

Thank you for all the people who loved Jeff so dearly.

Thank you, Lord, for Patricia who calls me every couple of days just to check on me. And for her husband Gary who loves his friends unconditionally.

Thank you for Mom and Grandma who love so much. Give them strength to make it through this terrible situation.

Thank you for neighbors who don't complain about a little noise. Thank you for keeping my things safe while I have had to be out of town.

Thank you for the talent you gave to Jeff in his writing, sculpting, sketching, painting, carving, etc.

Thank you for giving me a wonderful brother who I will miss desperately. Lord, please love him and keep him for me to see again someday.

Thank you for allowing me to be able to feel blessed even in times like this!

I love you Lord!

Even More Thankfuls

2008-11-06T20:00:00.005-06:00

In a world of such stress and trials, it is so important to watch your tongue, your body language, and your attitude. 1But if you slip up, God has given you the opportunity to make ammends. I thank you Lord for that opportunity!

Today, I got a note from a parent who was very angry with me because it seems that I never say anything positive about her child. Going back over old conduct sheets and graded papers, I realized that she was right to be angry. 2Thank you Lord for giving me the ability to take critisim with an open heart and open mind. 3Thank you for giving me the compassion to want to make things right. 4Thank you for my gift of words to sooth the enraged soul.

Thank you for:

the opportunity to help others become great teachers
patience with silly students, aggrivated teachers, and professionals that don't do their job efficiently.
babies...yes, Kathryn Ponder said babies! Thank you for healthy babies who make appearances on sonograms for expectant moms and dads to say their first hellos.
dads who love their children!
keeping me safe in dark parking lots
keeping my things safe from evil people
light traffic when I am late to work
always getting me on the expressway at Preston and I-635
Lara Dodds, who cried with me when they closed down our favorite Starbucks
good friends who cry with you when your daddy dies
good friends that rejoice with you through your trials and your triumphs
free boxes for packing up your whole life
Kathryn Teale who has graciously offered to help me finish packing

And many more things. I am very grateful for Christopher Green for giving us this challenge. It is the one most important thing I have done this week. It is one thing that I have not been able to get out of my mind until I got it down on paper! Thank you, Lord, for blessing HOCC with ministers who aren't afraid to challenge us to be the best Christians we can be for You!

I love you Lord!

More Thankfuls

2008-11-05T21:59:00.004-06:00

I found myself nearly sprinting down the dark hall on Wednesday night. I wanted to get to singing practice before it was over. I don't sing on the praise team, but I adore sitting in on their jam sessions! As I approached the door, I snuck my head around the frame so that the beautiful harmony could engulf each of my senses. Noticing that I was being invited to join the praise, I entered the room. Thank you Lord for Bach or Beethoven or whoever invented harmony!

I always want to sit right in the middle of the chorus of singers who gather in that room to practice. I want to absorb every part, every note, into my soul. I close my eyes and imagine Heaven. I see us all dancing down the streets toward His throne, our arms raised high, a spring in our step as we praise the name of the Lord. Some weeks, I feel I just can't wait to be that happy for the remainder of time.

There are times that I close my eyes and let the music swirl around me, like the Holy Spirit tickling my every emotion, raising my hands to the Lord. I feel as if the harmony could lift me up and I could fly! Lord thank you for music! Thank you for the opportunity to praise and to worship you!

A few other thankfuls of this week:

At Work~

parents who work hard to help their children learn to read
delicious rolls in the cafeteria
encouraging fellow teachers who remind us that we only have 2 more hours til the bell will ring
a wonderful new assistant principal who takes your concerns and acts on them
janitors who sweep and empty the trash each evening
students who practice their alphabet and reading at home
students who work hard to follow the rules and learn at school

At Home~

a new president to give us new opportunities
open, close parking places when I come home after dark
the ability to move closer to friends, church, family, and work
computers, TV, my nice soft bed
the ability to live on my own, make my own decisions, live a life for You
the change in my confidence
the patience to grow out my hair (kinda silly, huh?)
my family (although they drive me nuts)
good friends who care for me
the ability to step out in faith, to be who You want me to be, to take on responsibilities that You have set before me
good Christian role models
prayers from others
for Your love

I think I have exceeded my quota of thankfuls for the last several days! If I am to continue on this way, I will have to stay up all night. So, here is where I must stop. Blessings to you all!

2008-11-02T16:42:00.004-06:00

Trunk or Treat was a great success. All I can say about it is that God was present and He provided all we needed!

We prayed for 40 cars. God gave us 45 trunks!

We prayed for advertisement. God gave us free space on two digital marquees in town! He gave us students, teachers, and PTA reps to pass out fliers! He gave us businesses in the neighborhood that were willing to allow us to hang posters! He gave us word of mouth!

We prayed for interesting decorations. God gave us a pirate with buried treasure, a felon in prison, a fishing hole, carnival games, a pumpkin car, a chocolate chip cookie car, a vampire bat handing out Starburst, and so much more!

We prayed for the children to come. God gave us an estimated 700 visitors!

We prayed for more greeters and volunteers than we knew what to do with.
God gave us husbands, children, boyfriends, neighborhood moms, teenagers (galore!), a policeman, two firemen, and many teachers! I would estimate we had 50 people to simply help out.

We prayed for clear weather. God gave us a warm day with an easy breeze!

We prayed for community participation. God gave us 5 teachers from Hodges, 2-3 teachers from Mackey (a school right around the corner), 1 principal, 1 policeman, 2 firemen, 1 PTA rep, 2 mom's from the neighborhood, and 1 city counsel woman!

GOD IS GOOD!

Thank you for all your help with Trunk or Treat this year!

What are you thankful for today?

2008-11-02T15:16:00.004-06:00

Our associate preacher posed a challenge to us today. He asked us to write down seven things each day that we are thankful for. So here is my list for today, Sunday Nov. 2, 2008.

I am thankful for:

Patient Techies. You know those guys who know all the ends and outs of computer software or design. I really appreciate them the most when they can explain their tech stuff in lay man's terms. Thanks, Mike and Tom!
Becky Burroughs who is always supportive and encouraging to those who are ready and willing to learn how to make services run so smoothly. Thank you Becky for putting so much of your time and effort toward this goal.
Megan Block for wanting something better for the HOCC website and prompting the rest of our team on to the success of it.
Christopher Green for attempting to look every member in the eye when he is preaching (even those in the balcony) as if he were speaking directly to that person.
Kathryn Teale for being my right hand woman during the Trunk or Treat last weekend.
Trey Finley for encouraging me to use my talents.
Debbie Christian for using her beautiful gift of signing during worship services.
Travis Block for cooking for his wife...for cooking Taco Soup for the meeting on Sunday morning.
the time change...for beautiful sun shiny mornings...for a fresh breeze
for grilled cheese sandwiches.

Okay, so that is more than 7, but it is just unnatural to stop at such an uneven number. :)

Watch for more "thankfuls" in the following days.

2008-10-25T11:51:00.012-05:00

It is amazing at what people will do for you, if you only know who to ask...

Somehow, beyond my knowledge, God put me in the "perfect" position to take on a GIANT project for Him.

Trunk or Treat 2008

So, on September 23th, I met with a group of other Christians who intended to take on this same project in their own neighborhoods. We discussed things like:

food for the event
layout
volunteers to help
decorating trunks
advertising
how to get the community involved
how to get the event approved
traffic control
permits
permission from principals
permission from the city
how to get candy
money
and lots, lots more

When I left that meeting, I thought my head would explode!
I can't do this. That was simply a matter of fact. I cannot do this!

But God had His plan, and I was included in it. There was no way to get out of it. So, instead of whining, I started praying.

Lord,
Please give me an abundance of volunteers. I want the numbers to be so large that I don't know what to do with all of them.

Lord, give me faith and trust in you. Remind me that you are with me every step I take and in every decision that I make.

Lord, give me a partner in the community to help me make this thing work.

You are bigger than Trunk or Treat. You are bigger than my fears. You are bigger than the list of things that I have to accomplish. Help me to remember this and push forward all the way through Oct. 26!

I love you Lord.

Well, duh! All you have to do is ask!
Wow! I am overwhelmed at the answers God bestowed upon me!

Not only did He give me volunteers, but He gave me ones that are eager to work! Thank you Lord!

Not only did He give me faith that He was there with me. He turned me into a completely different person! I organized. I called people I did not know. (In case you don't know me, this is a stupid fear of mine) I advertised. I asked for help. (another huge step for Kathryn!) I answered questions. For that matter, I answered phone calls from numbers I didn't recognize.

I changed...or more accurately, the Lord changed me to whom He needed me to be! Thank you Lord!

Not only did He give me a community partner, He gave me one with an abundance of people skills and great ideas! As I entered the school on Thursday morning, the day after the big meeting...the day after the big prayer...I ran into the PE assistant coach. She lives in the neighborhood and has a child at Hodges. A voice said..."She's the one." I reached out, grabbed her arm, and told her of God's plan for the community project. Her face brightened with every word. I could see the sprockets in her brain start churning with ideas. Tentatively, I asked, "Will you help me?"

ABSOLUTELY!
Her answer echoed throughout the gym. I could not have asked for a better community partner!
Thank you Lord!

*************************

Your life is your GIANT project for God. That is what I learned from this experience. This project is not just for the community. It was a project that enforced change in my life, in my heart, in my confidence in God.

His power is omniscient! It is bigger than anything that you have to face.
If you need help overcoming, or organizing, or planning your life...don't let your worries get so big!
Know that God is bigger!
God is simply waiting for you to realize that He is the one you need to ask.

Blessings!

Matthew 25:35 - 46

2008-09-22T19:54:00.008-05:00

This is my 3rd year to teach first grade.

I have finally learned to love it. But I can still remember the difficult time I had two short years ago when I started out knowing absolutely nothing about little students. It was a terrible feeling!

This year, I have been assigned to be a mentor to a brand new teacher. We call him Mr. C. He came here straight from Mexico to teach bilingual first grade. He has never been a teacher before, much less one who has to teach in both English and Spanish.

The year for Mr. C started out bumpy. He arrived in America too late to receive a social security number before school started. He missed all his new teacher workshops and meetings.

So, before he even got started, he was behind.

Not having a social security number, he couldn't get paid when all the other first year teachers got their pay checks.

Although he only lives about a mile from the school, he had no transportation.

Coming from Mexico and never being in a classroom to teach, he had no teaching supplies, decor, manipulatives, etc.

And his brain is filled with a million questions, but he doesn't know which ones to ask first.

When God brought me home from China so early this summer, I was concerned that I had lost my mission. But then I met Mr. C. That is when I knew that God gave me a mission right here in my own back yard.

I started praying for Mr. C, and soon I saw things turning around for him. People donated money, time, and supplies to his cause. God was working!

***********************************************
Then...

Last week...

I got this email:

This is a confirmation of dates set for the Initial Conferences:

Thursday, September 25, 3:15-4 p.m. - Hodges Elementary

Attendees:

Principal of Hodges Elementary

Second Grade: Jorge M., B. Mac Mentor

First Grade: Jesus C, (I do not have the name of Jesus' mentor)

I am looking forward to meeting each of you!

Sincerely, B

I read this message three times before understanding that I was Jesus' mentor. You see, I didn't know Mr. C's first name. Here I had not been mentoring to and praying for just Mr. C...I had been doing this all for Jesus!

Ahhhh! What a peaceful revelation!

Matthew 25:35-46

I love you Lord!

2008-09-21T16:39:00.012-05:00

Sunlight shone in brightly upon my Holly Hobby bedspread. I opened my sleepy eyes and scanned the room, trying to focus on the new day. My sister was still snoozing on the other side of the room, under her matching twin bedspread. It was Sunday morning.

Music filled the air out in the hallway, as my dad whistled his favorite hymn while buckling his Sunday belt in front of the full length mirror near the bathroom. "Time to get up!" my mom would sing out soon. And if Jenny and I did not respond soon after, my dad would pound on the already opened bedroom door and bark, "Get up. It is time to get dressed for church."

Sundays were our family days. They were the one day of the week when our family would go to church, then to lunch, then to nap together. I hated those days as a child...but what I wouldn't give for one of them back today! I miss you Dad!

Growing up, I was "at church" every time the doors were open. It was rare for my family to miss class on either Sunday morning or Wednesday night. "Let's go to church" was a regular part of our vocabulary.

As a child, church was a place to sit with our friends, a place to make arts and crafts, a place to visit with family, a place to sing songs, and to be quiet while someone prayed endlessly. It was a place where the preacher would talk for what seemed like hours about someone named Jesus...someone I had very little connection with.

But, as I grew up, my life changed. I made many mistakes and bad choices. I did not live at home anymore, so I didn't have that Sunday morning whistle for encouragement to get up. Therefore, I fell away from "the church". I stopped attending regularly and grew further from the Lord.

At the lowest point that I can remember, I decided I missed "church", so I started visiting new congregations. I settled here at Highland Oaks in 2003 and fell in love with the people.

***************************************************

I feel like the Holy Spirit led me to HOCC to learn something important about my Christianity. I have learned that "church" is not about the friends you see or the family that is there. It is not about what you made in Sunday School or what anybody else really has to teach you.

Church is about GOD!

It is about you singing to HIM. It is about you talking to HIM. It is about you listening to HIM. It is about the words of the songs meaning something to you and to HIM. It is about you feeling the Holy Spirit working in you while you are praising HIM.

Church is not about anything but

you and the Lord!

So, now when I get up on Sunday mornings to get ready to go, I get dressed-- not for my family-- but for the Lord.

When I enter the worship center, I don't look for my friends to sit with, I search for a spot where I can sit with the Lord.

When the Praise Team climbs onto the stage and begins the first song, I don't just sing memorized words. I emphasize each phrase and direct it straight to the Lord.

Every prayer, every word of the sermon, passes through my heart on its path directly to the Lord.

Once I gave up my love/hate relationship with "the church" and began to focus on the Lord, my Sunday mornings became more than just a beginning of the week event.

It became my time to be with my family,

my Father,

my God,

my Lord.

2008-09-20T22:00:00.001-05:00

After rereading my latest post, I realize I have just told the entire world where I keep my keys and therefore will have to find a new convenient spot for them.

Thanks for reading!

God Sighting

2008-09-19T20:27:00.005-05:00

I saw God, yesterday.

The weather was beautiful this week. It was nice and cool outside in the middle of the day, so I decided to spend some time with my students during PE. The first event planned was the Hodges Mile, which turns out to really be the Hodges 4/5 of a mile, but who is really counting?

Before joining my students on this trek around the cones, down passed the skinny tree, up a slight incline to the kickball fields, and finally back to the blacktop, I had to retrieve my sneakers from the car. So, I took my keys and headed to the back parking lot. After quickly slipping on my Adidas and locking the car, I jogged to the gym to meet my students.

Later in the day, after the kids had gone home, I began gathering up my purse and lunch bag and heading out the door. I was almost to the exit when I remembered that I forgot to grab my keys off the top of my desk. I leave them in plain view so that I can have easy access to them in case of an emergency recess break. I dashed back to my classroom, only to find that my keys were not in their regular spot.

My first reaction: PANIC!

Then, fear that one of my students may have been curious enough about them that the keys were now taking a holiday in someones backpack.

Then words entered my brain from NOWHERE...

"Ask and you shall be given...seek and you shall find..."
I thought, okay...

So I said a little prayer,
"Lord, I am tired and want to go home. Please help me find my keys." Surprisingly, my voice was filled with complete confidence that this would work. That He would hear and answer.

I took a step closer to my computer, scanned the room, took another step, and then .... THERE!

In the small blue basket, hidden under several layers of strewn out papers, I caught sight of a glint of light bouncing off the metal of the keys.

In my exhausted state, it was like seeing God in the flesh, standing there with the keys in His almighty hand! Goose bumps covered my body as I allowed the Holy Spirit to warm me with His presence.

It seems such a tiny thing...so silly in the eyes of unbelievers...but so bold and powerful a message to me that I just had to share it.

Where have you seen God lately?

God Sightings

2008-08-30T20:47:00.004-05:00

What are God sightings?

Well, I feel like God presents Himself to us in some very unusual ways. He opens our eyes and ears so we can catch sight of Him trying to teach us something. I had one of these God sightings this week and would like to share.

*****************************************************

I am not really into politics, but my mother loves to watch MSNBC. She has it on her flat screen TV, 24/7. There is always someone on there giving gushy details about one or the other candidates.

Mom called me today and said in her best "news reporter" voice, "Did you see who McCain took for his running mate?"
"No, mom, you know I don't watch that stuff too closely."
(sorry world for being politically ignorant)

She began telling me about how McCain had chosen a woman to run with him for presidency. Sarah Palin, the governor of Alaska, is completely opposite of Hilary Clinton, and apparently very inexperienced. I understand that this announcement has ired many in the political world.

Not being very politically minded, here's my take...I don't think McCain picked this woman to be his running mate, God did. It seems to me that throughout this whole pre-election process, there has been a fight over whether there would be a woman in the White House or an African American man. It started with Hilary and Barack. When that didn't work, He led McCain to Sarah Palin. Now an African American man faces a white man with his woman running mate.

I think God wants change in America.
I think He is making it perfectly clear that women and African Americans can lead as well as anyone else.
I think His desire is to get all the prejudice mess out of the way.
I think He has balanced the scales.
Obama is in one corner and Sarah in the other. Now it's a fair fight.

I am still not political.
I, honestly, don't have a clue who I will vote for in November.
I don't judge anyone for their choice in this election.
I just want to thank our Almighty God for giving us the freedom to make this choice.

You Go God!

A Hug Can Heal All Wounds

2008-08-26T21:29:00.010-05:00

Hugs Heal...

A hug may be exchanged as a sign of support and comfort. A hug can be a demonstration of affection and emotional warmth, sometimes arising out of joy or happiness at meeting someone. Brief in most cases, it is used to show many levels of affection. It is not particular to human beings alone, as there are many species of animals that engage in similar exchanges of warmth. (Wikipedia)

When I was a teenager, I was a very open hugger. You were not allowed to leave my presence without first receiving a hug from me. As I have gotten older, I find that I enjoy my own personal space, so I tend to reserve my hugs to only those closest to me emotionally. I even have friends who call ahead of time to schedule a hug from me.

But, now that school is back in session, my new class is teaching me a thing or two about hugging. It usually takes the students a little while to warm up to me, but today one little girl stepped out of line, wrapped her tiny arms around my right leg, and squeezed me as tightly as she possibly could. Her teeny head lay on my stomach and I heard a small sigh escape from her lips. It brought tears to my eyes. After what probably seemed to her like an eternity since she had seen her mom, she just melted into my embrace. Reenergized by the release of emotions, she quickly jumped up and ran off to play with her friends.

HUGS heal Children...

A friend with a heavy heart, caught me in the hall after school. She looked stressfully into my eyes and asked if we could discuss something that had been bothering her all day. After positioning ourselves on the bench outside the cafeteria, she began to devulge her fears and anguish about an event that happened outside of school the evening before. I didn't have much to add to the conversation, but I listened intently. At the close of the conversation, I reached over and hugged this friend. Her tension in her shoulders eased as she allowed herself to be embraced.

HUGS heal Friends...

Some days I struggle just to keep my head above the emotional sea I have found myself in this summer. I keep my mouth shut and my thoughts to myself. But there are a few people who can read me like a book. They can simply tell when a hug could heal my broken spirit, if even just for the moment.

At the end of the day, today, my mind and spirit, were exhausted. It was getting to be time to clean up and get ready to go home. All the students were putting things away, packing up their bags, and finding there way, slowly, to the carpet for the last book of the day. I guess, I was kinda slumped in the chair waiting for them to get settled. One tough little boy, stood up and sauntered toward me. He stopped in front of my chair and said, "Ms. Ponder you look like you need a hug." Then without hesitation he put his arms around me and laid his head on my shoulder.

It was so endearing that I couldn't stand the sappiness of it all. I reached my tired arms around him and gave him a gigantic zerbert right on his left cheek. The class broke out in hysterics! His smile could not have been bigger! And my energy was back!

HUGS heal Teachers, too...

I now believe that God gave us hugs so that we could literally touch His love and feel His healing power.

So if you are feeling blue...find someone to hug, and let God heal your spirit.

(BTW...My hug schedule is now wide open and clear... forever!)

ALONE

2008-08-17T18:59:00.012-05:00

How long has it been since you spent a little time with yourself?

I mean completely alone.
No TV on, no talk radio blaring, no computer game in front of you.

I am talking totally, completely, and absolutely alone.

Alone...
With only your thoughts to keep you occupied.

I want you to try this right now.
Turn off the iTunes.
Close the door so no one can bother you for a few minutes.
Shut the dog in the yard or the bathroom on the other side of the house.

It has to be as quiet as possible, I have found, for this to be successful.

Now, for about 5 minutes, try to think only about yourself.
Not what you are going to make for supper.
Not the deadlines for projects you have not even started.
Not what your husband/wife/children are doing.
Not who is mowing their grass outside your window.

Just you. YOU!

Close your eyes, if you need to. Turn off the light. Just do it for 5 minutes. See if you can make it that long.

Ready...

Set...

GO!

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

How'd ya do?
Did you make it for the full 5 minutes?
It's hard, isn't it?

Well, on the way home from China, I spent about half the time completely and totally alone. Although I was stuffed into that plane, like sardines, with 400 other people, I still felt absolutely alone.

Ten hours of only concentrating on me.
Ten hours of thinking about where I had been and where I was going.
Ten hours of nothingness.
Ten hours of demons screaming through my brain.
Ten hours of deafening silence.

I was stuck in my own mind, wandering around in there, desperately searching for clues to thousands of unanswered questions.

It was maddening! It was exhausting! It was even a little depressing!

But, interesting enough...

It was also refreshing! It was full of hope! It was comforting!
I learned things about myself that I never knew before.
I am strong. I am fearless.
I am independent. I am able to trust.
I am capable of anything I put my mind to.

SO...
When you find your life out of control... When you can't seem to touch reality... When you begin to drift into emotional chaos...

Take a little time to spend with yourself, totally, completely, and absolutely alone.

Have You Seen My Dad?

2008-08-16T21:26:00.005-05:00

This is my dad. This is what he was wearing the last time I saw him.
Literally.
In his chair.
In his house.
On Father's Day.
Four days later, I flew away to China.
I got on a plane and flew far, far away from him.
My plan was to see him sitting here in his chair when I came home two weeks later. But when I returned, he was gone...

He was the one that supported me the most, emotionally, in my endeavor to take the mission to China.
He encouraged.
He prayed.
He asked about the details.
He hugged.
He was proud.
He loved.

And then he died...

I didn't get to stay in China.
I didn't get to complete my mission.
I didn't get to tell him about any of it.
Because before I could even get home, he was already gone...

So I find myself looking for Dad all over my world.
I am searching for him under every rock, in every nook.
He is everywhere and nowhere.

Dad is in Stephen and his ability to know when I need a hug.
Dad is in James Teague's voice inflection and mannerisms.
Dad is in Bruce's knowledge and willingness to help those he loves.
Dad is in James Rowe's body structure: hands, height, hair.
Dad is in Ben and Bryan and Jeff and their ability to "fix things".
Dad is in Uncle Jerry's physical likenesses.
Dad is there with Becky, Brandon, Glen, Uncle Bob, Dawn, Aunt Sharon, David, Diann, Aunt Bobby, Kricia, Adam, Jackie, Don, Eric, Melissa, Granny, Grandma, Shelly and their love for him.
Dad is in Jenny and her ability to take care of any and everything that is too hard for me to deal with.
Dad is in Mom and her knowledge of unspoken words, memories, and advice.
And
Dad is in me.
He is in my ability to go on.
He is in my willingness to fight for what I want.
He is in my strength, my compassion, my steadfastness, my stubborn streak.
Most of all,
Dad is in my heart.
I miss you, Dad.

2008-08-07T21:45:00.018-05:00

Dad,
I miss you!

I miss your hugs and kisses.

I miss your directions.
"Okay, you go down RL Thorton to Stemmons and go north to Lyndon B. Johnson Freeway and head west to Airport Freeway..."
Stop, Dad, I need numbers!!! Give me numbers of freeways!!!

I miss tips about my car.
"Well, that shimmy you are feeling is probably from a loose lugnut in your carburetor..."
Thanks, Dad, I think. What should I do about that?

I miss pickles in the salad.
I miss woking on Saturday nights.
I miss red hamburgers cooked on the grill.
I miss charred shrimp that fell through the slats in the grill to the fire below.
I miss "plastic cherry torilla surprise".

I miss just having someone to ask the silly questions to...such as:
Where can I buy those little caps that go on the air thingy on your tire?
How can I get something notarized?
How come I can't get the lamp in the house to stay on?
Who was president way back when you were my age?
Where, exactly, is the place for horseplay?
Who is that guy standing over there by Uncle Jerry at the family reunion?
How do you make bacon not be so crisp?
How can I go away to college?
Why is it better to fill your gas tank when it is already 1/2 full?
(although you never did this)
Where can I go to find the best deal on a new car?
How can I rig my drivers side window to stay up?
Where does Mom stash the chocolate cookies?
Who is the best guy to vote for?
Will you walk me to my car since it is dark outside?
Will you look at the BIG dent I got in my car door when I was at the Walmart?
Will you help me figure out what to do about the hail damage on my Impala?
How do I change insurance companies?
What kind of life insurance should I get?
Where can I look in the Bible to find________________________?
Will you haul all my junk to Commerce so I can go away to college?
Will you come pick me up when my car won't start?
Will you bring your big white van to push my car out of the middle of the road when I get stuck in the flood?
When is the Lord coming?
When will the pain go away?
Will the Cowboys go to the Super Bowl this year?
Will you miss me?

**********************

I was wondering the other day how I was going to get a lot of these questions answered now. Then I remembered the wonderful gift that God gave to me.

Thank you Stephen, James, and Bruce for being there.
Thank you for being REAL.
Thank you for being, not a father figure, but a true friend.
Thank you for listening, understanding, and teaching.
Thank you for hugs and pats on the back, for phone calls and text messages.
Thank you for knowing how desperately I need you in my life right now.
Thank you for being willing to step in and heed to my call.

All of you have been my lighthouse. When I start to drift off in a sea of despair, I think of or look to you. That always brings me back to reality.

Thank you Lord, for giving me such wonderful men in my life!

2008-07-31T21:33:00.011-05:00

"How's your car?"

This was the opening line of every conversation my dad and I ever had.

It's funny...I used to dread as well as eagerly anticipate this line.

At least he was talking to me...directly to me!

This was rare.

He always had more in common with my brother and sister.

"So, how is your car?"

He would inquire again, after one of my siblings would interject their opinion on the subject.

He always wanted to hear my answer to this question.

So, I would do my best to give him a thorough explanation of all the strange noises it had made since we had spoken of this only a week prior.

Well, Dad, today it made this new noise...

spit...pttt...pttt...ptt...

Then it went...

Tut...tttt...tttt...tttt

Right before it died.

But as soon as I started it up again, it ran fine all the way to your house.

Sigh!!!

"Well, let's go take a look at it."

This was pretty much the only conversation that we had on a one on one basis.

******************

A bit worried about that, I confided in a male friend who told me...

DUH!

Don't you know that when your dad asked,

"How's your car?"

He was really saying...

"I love you."

In that case, Dad...

My car is running very smoothly!

A View of China

2008-07-26T22:06:00.012-05:00

Everybody has been asking me if I was able to see anything in China. Now, I have to tell you that I was only there for about 24 hours, but I did take a few pictures that I am willing to share.

This is the plane that I flew in to and from Tokyo, Japan. It was a 12 hour-ish flight each way. In Tokyo, we boarded another plane, much smaller than this one to ride for 5 more hours before reaching Guangzhou, China.

*********************

Here is the view outside my bedroom window of the city. Most of the buildings you see are other high rise apartments in the neighborhood. My room was on the 14th floor.

***********************

While walking toward the bank early Saturday morning, we passed this "high-class customizing car wash." You know the kind that we Americans would pay $30+ to get our cars detailed. Only instead of an automatic drive through car wash, these guys were doing it ALL by hand.

**********************

That evening, we had dinner on a boat tour down the Pearl River. It was a very nice restaurant, with authentic Chinese decor and waiters and food. While everything in Guangzhou is very modern, this was the most "Chinese" looking thing I saw while I was there.

**************************

Finally, on this boat trip we traveled down the Pearl River. It runs pretty much straight through town. Each bank was littered with skyscrapers and mansions decked out in neon lights. In the pitch dark, it was beautiful!

I don't know that I will ever make it back to China, but I do know, now, that God had a plan for this visit...His was not the same agenda as mine, but it was worth something to God for me to go.

God was there!

2008-07-21T22:38:00.011-05:00

On the day I returned home from China, my emotions were such a jumble. I had been lost in my own head for hours trying to sort out all of the tragedy that had just occurred. There was no one to talk to but God, and I had been putting that off.

It is rare that I go a whole day without speaking to anyone, but this was one of those days. I didn't really know what had happened with my dad's passing and had not been able to talk with anyone about it. I was a mess.

As I drudged out the terminal doors toward the baggage claim, I was met by God. He was there in the faces of my precious friends. I was expecting Lara and Bruce to be there to get me, but instead I was met by 6 of the Lord's messengers. Patricia, Melissa, George and Lynn, and, of course Bruce and Lara. They brought me God's love and comfort! I couldn't have asked for more from God...although I had been holding back from Him, the Lord gave His all to me. God was there!
*******************************************************************

When we returned to Lara's house, I was plain exhausted. It was nice to be able to sit on her soft couch in a cool, crowd less room. As I sank into the comfy cushions, my thoughts began to dissolve. All I could do was let them out in a rush of tears. But this time I was not alone, God was there!

He sent His messengers to tend to me. Patricia and Melissa busied themselves with finding blankets and pillows for my weary body. Bruce switched off the lights then excused himself to the other room, so to spare me any embarrassment. When all the preparations were finished, these loved ones settled in chairs to leave me to my emotions.

Lost in my brain, I cried out to the Lord! Why, Lord? Why?!!!
Apparently, I wailed out loud, for the next I knew, Lara was there, immediately by my side. She tells me that the Lord told her to go to me. The sobs came so intensely at that point. As she sat on the floor next to my whimpering body, she held my hand. She just held my hand and cried with me. She stroked my face, wiping the tears away and brushing the hair out of my eyes.
God was there! He was speaking his comfort to me through her.

Finally, when I felt calm enough, I asked the others to come sit with me on the couch. Patricia sank down in the cushions and put my feet in her lap. Melissa knelt on the floor and placed her hands on my legs. Lara continued to hold my hand. I wanted them to pray with me, but before I could ask, they began quoting scripture. For the life of me, I can't remember what the verses were, but what an awesome feeling to have God at your feet, your middle, and your head! When they finished the quoting, they broke out in song! Like angels, they sang me some of my favorite praise hymns. God was there!

Thank you, Lord, for giving me the ability to hear your voice and see you in my life. Thank you God for being there!

What if...

2008-07-17T20:35:00.025-05:00

I have pretty much found my WHY when it comes to the death of my dad, but I am still struggling with the reasons for being all the way in China when it all happened.

I still can't wrap my brain around the fact that I flew half way around the world just to have to come all the way back so suddenly.

Forty hours on a plane! All alone! Such wasted time!

But after much contemplation,

After large amounts of observation,

After many conversations with my family,

I have some thoughts to share.

Just hear me out....

What if God knew (before I left) that Dad was going to die,

And He sent me there anyway...

What if God knew that Jenny and Jeff and Mom would need me,

But He sent me there anyway...

What if God knew that they needed to deal with this death on their own,

So He sent me there anyway...

What if this trip wasn't necessarily for anyone in China,

but a blessing for my family...

What if my being so far away

helped God bring my family together...

(sometimes thought to be an impossible task)

What if this mission trip was not about my obeying God,

but a time for God to work on my family...

(there were many aspects that needed to be adjusted...and only God could repair them)

What if God doesn't really need me in China,

He just needed me to get out of His way so He could work in

Jenny's life

Jeff''s life

Mom's life

Uncle Jerry's life

Ben and Brian's lives

Lara and Bruce's lives

Patricia's life

Melissa's life

Stephen's life...

(all of which I have seen changed since this happened)

What if the death of my dad

and my going so far away

was just God

setting the stage

for his miraculous healing powers

to be accomplished

here at home...

2008-07-13T23:09:00.017-05:00

Myocardial Infarction
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Heart attacks are the leading cause of death for both men and women all over the world. Important risk factors are previous cardiovascular disease (such as angina, a previous heart attack or stroke), older age (especially men over 40 and women over 50), tobacco smoking, high blood levels of certain lipids; aka "bad cholesterol", diabetes, high blood pressure, obesity, chronic kidney disease, heart failure, excessive alcohol consumption, the abuse of certain drugs (such as cocaine), and chronic high stress levels.

**************************************************************

This is why Dad died.

I have been searching for these answers.

The ER doctor told Mom that Dad probably died before he even hit the floor.

So, I have been asking God why He didn't catch dad. Why He didn't prevent this from happening?

I keep screaming at God that people don't die from heart attacks in this day and age! I have a friend who just had his heart shocked and he survived that!!!...So, why did Dad have to just go? It is like God just reached down and snatched him away from us!

WHY!!!???!!!

Last week, my mom could see I was struggling with these questions, so she tried to explain to me what happened. Truthfully, I didn't believe her...even though she is an RN. So, I had to look it up myself.

AND...After reading the words in the description of a myocardial infarction,

I get it!

I finally understand WHY.

Over 40

Smoking

Bad Cholesterol

High Blood Pressure

Alcohol

Chronic Stress Levels

He had them all! And instead of taking care of them, he just ignored the problems and let the "heart muscle tissue die" (myocardial infarction).

So, now I am not really mad at God anymore...I am a little upset with Dad. And I am extremely upset with myself.

I have a few of those risk factors hanging around in my life that I have been ignoring as well. (high blood pressure, bad cholesterol)

Oh, Lord, thank you for opening my eyes to what might occur if I don't start taking care of my heart!

Turn my risk factors into hope factors!

Give me the strength, the discipline, and the desire to do what it takes to keep my body healthy!

And give me good friends to help keep me accountable and on the right track!

A Blind Heart

2008-07-11T09:31:00.011-05:00

Memories are so funny, sometimes. I always wonder why we get to remember the bad things along with the good. However, I have come to realize that God gives us memories to use as lessons of life. I know I have learned a thing or two.

What does it mean to be in love with the wrong person?

Several years ago, the singles' group that I was associated with went camping in Oklahoma. Our group set up camp near a small lake.

On the morning of the second day of the trip, several people in the group decided to go fishing in the near by pond. My love was up early that day and at the pond before any of the others. When I awoke and stumbled out of my room, I caught a glimps of him by the lake. He had his chair already set up, his tackle box opened and his line in the water. Rubbing my eyes, I pulled on my shoes to go greet him "good morning".

He was a little grumpy. "Nothing's biting."
My response was cheerful, even though I am not a morning person at all. "Well, it's early, yet. You haven't been here long. Give the fish time to wake up."
Humph!

So, I decided to leave him with his fish and go get dressed. Around the campfire, I found several other girls who had recently awakened. They were getting dressed to go for a hike in the woods around the camp. So, I decided to go with them. I quickly changed, brushed my hair, put on my hiking boots, and off we went on an early morning walk.

The area was beautiful, filled with large trees that had been growing there for hundreds of years. Wildlife was all around us with squirrels romping in the grass and chasing each other up trees. We saw interesting birds gliding through branches in search of the early worm. There was even a grass snake that slithered across our path.

At one point, the forest opened up to a meadow filled with the sweetest tiny white flowers. There were so many of them, that it looked as if snow had fallen the night before on just this meadow. As we gingerly walked through this field, trying not to stomp on any of the flowers, I reached down and touch a few with my fingers. It was such a beautiful sight, and even though I knew these dainty little creations were only weeds, I wanted to share it with my love.

So, I picked a few of the flowers to take back to him.

As we topped the last hill of our tour, I could see my love still by the lake, fishing pole in hand. He was sitting at this point, a little more relaxed than I had found him earlier. As I walked toward him, my heart thumped loudly in anticipation of his acceptance of the gift I had retrieved for him. When I got nearer to him, I felt my gait quicken a little with the great desire to be near him.

"Hi Honey!" I spoke a little too loudly, for he shot me a look of aggrivation as he shushed me. I knew that the fish needed quiet, but I was too excited to hold my emotions in. "Oh, sorry," I whispered. "But I got you something on my walk this morning."

He turned to look at the precious offerings I held in my fingers. The little white flowers were perched upward, sort of smiling at him in invitation. My face stuck in a smile, my heart flittered with love, my fingers trembled with excitement. It was the perfect gift to give the one you loved.

"I don't want that!" he grumbled. "Flowers are not for guys. Why did you bring me that? I am not a girl." And with a brush of his hand, I was dismissed.

My heart sank.
My brain raced..."What???"
"But I love you...you are supposed to love me!"
"How can you say such a horrible thing to me!"
"Why are you so mean?"
"It is just a stupid flower, just take it you jerk!"

My heart was broken, however, we continued to date for another year. I chose to close the eyes of my heart and pretend everything was okay in the relationship. My brain was screaming, "Get out!" But my heart was hoping that if I stayed, he would change my mind.

****************************************************************

What did I learn from this memory?

Dating is not for the blind at heart.
Listen to your mind!
Heed to the events that God allows your heart to go through.

If it walks like a jerk, if it talks like a jerk, and acts like a jerk...it probably is a JERK.
And I have never known a jerk to change.
Mine didn't, and yours probably won't either.

SO...

The simplest gift I can give you...
The purest flower of thought I have to share...
Is to keep the eyes of your heart wide open
and don't ignore the experiences that God places there.

Blessings through Pain

2008-07-10T20:51:00.023-05:00

On Friday night, around 11:30, we landed in Guangzhou, China. It was HOT and sticky there, and as I trudged along trying to keep up with Ken and Margie, I remember thinking..."Am I really here?" The whole day seemed like a dream. But here I was walking on the earth of the continent of Asia...across the ocean from everything familiar.

I looked around. The airport was very modern, with not a hint that we were anywhere but DFW, except the occasional sign written in foreign characters. And, of course, everyone was Chinese. As I scanned the large terminal, I saw very few other Americans.

The following morning, we were up and running, early. Exploring the town, grocery shopping, transferring money, visiting with Parveen and Dianna (his wife), our morning was eaten up quickly. When we got home from lunch, we all needed a nap. I could barely keep my eyes open, but wanted to check my messages on email. That morning before taking off on our errands, I had sent out several emails informing those at home that I was in China, safe and sound. I needed to know that the family had received the information.

When opening up the gmail account I was faced with the following messages.

*************************************************************************

Subject : Urgent written 1:00 am, Dallas time

Kathryn,

If you haven't spoken to your family, it is important that you contact them by phone.

I love you and I am here for you no matter the time.

Lara

Followed by this message:

Subject: Please call written 10:15 pm, Dallas time

Kathy please call mom or me- this is jenny. we have been trying to call, but can't get through. This is important. Please call as soon as you can. this is very important. love you, jenny

************************************************************************

Can you imagine being on the other side of the world and getting these two messages? I was petrified to call! I knew it had to be bad, if my sister ended her note with the word "love". We just don't use that word with each other so freely.

Figuring out how to call over seas was not as easy as one might think...but I managed to reach my mother at 4:00 am Dallas time. I can't even imagine her pain in having to tell me such a horrible thing over the phone.

"Don't worry, Mom, I am coming home. I love you."

Within minutes, Ken and Margie started making new reservations for me to fly back immediately. They would not even think of discussing any other options. Thank you Lord for giving me such wonderful teammates.

************************************************************************************

My response to Jenny's email...

I talked to mom. how is jeff handling it? I know it is hard...I love you. I am coming home today...Sun. I will be there to help soon.

Make sure mom remembers (or you) to call Becky, aunt sharon. You may need to call jackie dewoody so mesquite c of c knows. call moms friend oneita. you can find that number on moms phone. she will tell moms school people. i think mom will need all the support she can get. get adam or ben to take care of jeff for now.

i will be home around 5:00 sun evening. lara is picking me up. call her if you need anything until then. know that i love you and will be there to help soon. remind mom that i am coming. i will call when i get back to the US.

love you, kathy

***************************************************************

The next morning I flew out, leaving Guangzhou at 8:20 am, 8:20 pm Saturday night, Dallas Time.

Twenty plus hours later, I was on the ground in Dallas, Tx.

I should be on Ripley's Believe It Or Not for the quickest trip around the world.

The one blessing...the BEST blessing...that has come out of this whole experience, is that Jenny, Jeff, Mom, and I are more forthcoming with the "I love you" phrase. We know, now, how precious life is and how quickly it can slip away from us.

With that blessing in mind, I want to say, I love you to all who are reading these words.

Don't let fear or discomfort keep you from expressing this emotion to anyone in your life...for life is too short...WAY to short... to not let someone know you love them.

Hi Dad!

2008-07-08T23:10:00.013-05:00

I miss you!

I made it to China! I actually made it! I know, I know...you had great faith that I would make it all the while. The one thing I was most nervous about was making it back home again. But even that journey was a breeze! I am stronger emotionally and independently than I ever thought I was!

I was disappointed that you were not home when I got back, but I understand that you had important business to take care of that simply just could not wait. I can accept that excuse this time.

I think it is fitting that you did some garage selling on your last day here. I wish I could have seen who bought all of your old junk!

Jeff built a fence to keep the dogs from running off again. But I think if they left again, it would be in search of you. Waylon seems to think you are the one who is lost this time.

Mom and Jenny are planning Bastil Day again this weekend. All the boys and their wives are coming for dinner. I can't be there because I have other plans...imagine that!

You left so quickly. I never got to say all that I needed to. I never got to express all that was in my heart. I never got to tell you how much I love you.

But...I hope you knew.

See you later, Dad!

I miss you!

From Pain to Elation!

2008-07-05T15:42:00.011-05:00

Using chopsticks was the part of my LST training that I liked the least. I understood that it was important to learn to abide by the Chinese culture so as not to offend anyone I came in contact with. However, those silly little sticks gave me a cramp in my right thumb and forefinger.

Margie and Ken gave me a couple of pairs of chopsticks to practice with. I took one pair to my mom so that she could learn with me. The other pair, I am sad to report, still lay in the same spot on the coffee table where I put them the night I received them. I just figured that I could bear the pain when it was absolutely necessary, and the rest of the trip, I would secretly eat with a plastic fork.
**************************************************

On the day of travel, our team ate mostly fast food or on the airplane, so I was in no danger of having to use the sticks. However, the first day we were on the ground in China, we had lunch in an actual Chinese restaurant. I was a little bummed thinking about how clumsy I was with the eating utensils. But, I was there, actually in China, and I was ready to try anything.

We began walking to the restaurant. On our way, we passed many street cafes with extremely rank odors wafting from their kitchens. On the sidewalk, these cafes had their wares displayed for all the see. There were crabs, craw fish, shrimp, snails, and live eel. Yum???

Each cafe we approached, I wondered if it would be the one where we would stop. Finally, I asked our tour guide where we were going. She was very secretive about the journey we were on, giving me not even the slightest hint of our final destination. So, I walked on in wonderment.

Finally we arrived. This restaurant was very nice, with no hint on the sidewalk of the food we would find inside. The tables were dressed in nice red tablecloths and cloth napkins. We were led up a wooden staircase to a small glassed in room with a door for privacy. Inside the room was our very own air conditioner...high class, from what I gathered.

After filling our juice glasses with lukewarm water, the moment of truth was upon me. I decided I needed to choose a dish with large pieces of meat and veggies that would be easier to pick up with the chopsticks. I was nervous about not having the ability to read the ingredients of the meal written in the Chinese language.

The waiter handed me a picture less menu, with no hint of the contents inside. Slowly, I opened the hard cover to reveal the entrees. To my complete surprise and total relief, the first item on this menu was PIZZA!

Oh, for joy...for JOY! I know how to eat pizza! It is my favorite "American" meal in which you don't need any utensils at all, except the ones God gave you...your FINGERS!!

The elation must have shown brightly on my face, because my team and guests burst out in laughter. It was a happy event, one that I hope to hold on to when recalling this short lived trip in China.

Observant or Just Plain Nosy?

2008-07-03T17:48:00.011-05:00

I was sitting in a coffee shop today, not drinking coffee.

While I was there, soaking up every bit of cold air from the vent I had placed myself under, I started to notice the people around me. There was a thin man with yellow hair at the counter arguing with the cashier about why they didn't have Sweet N Low instead of Splenda. Near the door was a mother trying to wrangle her children into a group and out the door. Next to the far window sat an individual in a wheelchair reading a magazine about hiking.

But the most curious persons I found were sitting close enough that I could sort of hear their conversation. It was this scene that caught my attention.

I found myself straining to hear what was going on over there. Two men sat across from each other at the small table. Both were in casual khaki pants and button down dress shirts with simple ties. One man was obviously older than the other...in his mid 50s maybe. The other man was younger than I, late 20s I would guess. Although the two leaned forward in order to hear the other over the Jazz that played overhead, they spoke as if they were strangers.

I began to muse that maybe this meeting was a job interview...but I was not sure which man was the interviewer and which was seeking the job. I was not close enough to see either of them straight on or hear the entire conversation (not that it was any of my business) so I had no clue if my conclusions were even correct. That is when I presented my question to the friend who was there with me.

Her take was that maybe it wasn't a job interview at all, but instead a college applicant and student advisor.

For about 30 minutes we sat there contemplating and discussing who these two mysterious fellows were and what they were talking about.

Maybe:
A college professor discussing grades with a student who is flunking out.

Perhaps it was the older man trying to acquire a job from the younger guy.

Or a father and his daughter's new fiance. Hmmm....that one just came to me.

Either way, I have learned that I am very interested in other people and their lives. I could hardly tear myself away from what was going on at that table. I try not to be nosy, but the actions of others, their body language, the way they interact with their peers is sometimes more interesting than what is going on in my own life. So, watch what you are doing, or else you may find me being overly observant with your life. :)

Blessings in Disguise # 2 and 3

2008-06-30T23:45:00.011-05:00

Imagine 403 seats packed into a narrow tube made of 127,000 pounds of high strength aluminum. You are in the center row, center seat, packed in between two people you don't know for the duration of a 12 hour flight. Twelve HOURS!!! No leg room. No arm room. No reclining. Who was the genius who thought that would be a great idea????

Was it a blessing or a terror?

Well, at first thought I would say a terror. I am not really a people person, so I don't talk with strangers very well. I despise having people crammed into my personal space. And, small talk is not in my vocabulary. I was in my own personal hell on that plane, but even there...God abided.

Blessing in Disguise #2 and 3

While sitting there trying to be content listening to Acapella on my iPod, I found myself bored. (Surprise, surprise!) So, I took off my earphones and started to look for something else to keep my mind occupied. When I found nothing of interest in my bag, I leaned my head back with a heavy sigh and thought of a nap. It was just then that the lady sitting on my left thigh, spoke up unexpectantly.

Startled by her voice, I jumped. She quickly apologized in very broken English, but I assured her I was okay. She took my smile as an invitation to begin a conversation with me. It was difficult to hear in that stuffy little space where everyone had their air vents going full blast. But as I strained to make out her words, I heard much more than her sweet little voice talking to me. I could swear I also heard the Lord.

She spoke of her country, Korea, and her family there. She was flying home to see her father one last time, for he was terminally ill and dying of cancer. She spoke of her husband who lived in Michigan and couldn't travel with her because of his job. She would be gone a month from America, and she already missed him.

I found her life to be very interesting, and caught myself asking her lots of questions about it. Like I said before, small talk is not my forte. But in this place with nothing else to do, I found it to be a blessing given by God. Asking what I would consider to be nosy questions, I learned that she had been a teacher in Korea but was unable to use her degree in America. She had several brothers and sisters, most of whom still lived in Korea. She had just recently gotten married but had a 20 year old step daughter. Her husband was Korean as well, even though they met in America.

About an hour into our conversation, the sweet lady said the most amazing, awe filled thing I heard the whole trip. She leaned in close so that I was sure to hear each word and spoke with complete confidence.

"This morning I asked God to sit me by someone on the plane that would help me with my English."

It was such a simple statement, but in my downtrodden heart, the light of the Lord was turned back on. I knew at that very moment, that God was there with me. That although I hated this place, I hated being alone there, I hated the stuffiness and the cramped conditions, He was there.

He had purposely sat me next to this woman who needed me. Or, maybe... He had purposely sat this woman next to me because she needed God. I'm not sure which. What I am sure of is that both of us received a blessing that day. What a place to be blessed..crammed into a stuffy old airplane for twelve endless hours!

Thank you Lord for continually showing me the blessings in disguise that I couldn't even fathom a week ago. I don't know why you sent me around the world in three days, but I hope that even through my indigence, I accomplished the work you meant for me to do.

I love you, Lord.

Blessings in Disguise Part 1

2008-06-29T19:31:00.006-05:00

There has been so much tragedy in my recent life that I can't seem to see straight. But today, while talking with a friend about the whole ordeal, he helped me remember something really important.

The day I left China to come back to the US for the funeral, I had to be at the airport at 5:45 am. Whew! That is REALLY early, especially for a girl who usually gets to sleep late during the summer time. After arriving at the gate, having had my bags searched, my money belt almost confiscated, and my body scanned at security, I was finally able to plop myself down for a bit of a rest. While I was sitting there all alone cautiously trying not to fall asleep and miss my plane, a sweet little Chinese lady sat down next to me.

I hadn't really thought much of her presence until she started speaking to me in English. I was really quite surprised at how fluent she was in her conversation with me. There it was, about 1 1/2 hours before the plane was to take off, and all I really wanted was some peace of mind. But this sweet little lady wanted to talk. So, we talked.

About mid conversation, she offered me some crackers. I wonder now if my stomach was growling, since I had only eaten two meals since we landed twenty-four hours prior. She was also eating crackers and noticed I had no water to drink, so she promptly arose from her seat and was off down the corridor before I knew what was happening. When she returned, she was toting a bottle of water that she handed to me with a smile. I wasn't sure how to respond. I had been hungry and thirsty, but had no Yuin to purchase any breakfast. I shyly took the water with a return smile.

We talked until it was time to board the plane. It turns out that she lives in Michigan with her husband who is an American. She is a Christian. She had come back to China to visit family for a month and was going home to her kids. She made such a dark "mourning" time glow with sunshine.

So my question is : Did she choose that seat out of at least 50 empty ones on accident, or did God put her there just for me? Was she a blessing in disguise?

It seems to me there must be some kinds of blessing in all this tragedy. I just wish they were as clear as crystal to me right now. Lord, please help me to remember the good out of all this terrible. Lord, help me to recognize all Your blessings in disguise.

Funeral or Fiesta?

2008-06-25T15:19:00.008-05:00

What is a funeral? Webster's Dictionary describes it as a ceremony for the dead person. But I don't agree with that definition. The dead person is not even present at the ceremony.

To me a funeral should be a ceremony for the survivors...

and in my case I want the ceremony called a

***fiesta***

not a funeral.

I want music and dancing, singing and story telling, high-fiving and laughter. I want food with lots and lots of chocolate! I want smiling faces, tears only of joy, and hugs galore!

*****************************************************************

In case you haven't heard, on June 20th, my dad had a massive heart attack and died. I was in the air just above Russia when this happened. I didn't find out until early afternoon on June 21 when I read my email for the first time after landing in China. I stayed only 24 hours in that beautiful country before having to scramble to find a way back to the US for the funeral. Hence, 40 hours in the air within a 4 day period. Ugh.

The ceremony was held on Monday, June 23, in Mesquite. I kept hearing people call it a funeral for my dad, but as I stood there near the casket watching the people come to comfort us, I realized that not many who were there even knew my dad. They all had come for us...my mom, my sister and brother, and myself. It was not a ceremony for Dad, it was more like a homecoming for us.

So, I want to change the name of this ceremony. Hmmm...what to call it? I'm gonna have to think on that one for a while. Any suggestions? Let me know what you think.

I miss my dad, but I have learned that I didn't know how many people in my life really love me. That is an awesome lesson to learn on such a heart breaking day.

The Long and the Short of it

2008-06-24T11:29:00.010-05:00

The Long...

I just survived a 40 hour plane ride to and from China. In the last four days, I have flown to China (20+ hours) and back (20+ hours), equalling 40 grueling hours on 3 cramped airplanes. I would NEVER recommend this type of travel to anyone. God bless those business people who travel like this on a regular basis!

One bit of advice to anyone who ever plans to make this trip:

Take LOTS of things to do on the plane!

books, magazines, crossword puzzles, papers to grade, reports to write, video games, iPods, playing cards, journals, and anything else to keep your mind and hands busy.

The Short...

I was in China a total of 24 hours! During the time I was there, I cleaned the apartment, visited a Chinese grocery story, ate some Chinese food, saw some Chinese people, took a riverboat ride down the Pearl River, and slept. Not much of a mission, but everything happens for a reason...this reason, only the Father knows. A short trip...but hopefully, soon I will be able to see the purpose of it.

****************************************************

I am not sure how I feel about it all. I am still trying to process all the details of the past 4 days. Look for other entries in the days to come...as I allow the Father to dwell in my heart and give me the understanding that I need.

I am in Dallas and plan to stay here. I will try to go back to China next year. If you are reading this and want to call, I would love to hear from you.

Kat

Pray God into China

2008-06-18T21:35:00.002-05:00

A friend asked me tonight, "I wonder if you will look different when you get back." Hmmmm...I kinda laughed at the thought of that, but maybe I will look different. I think if anything about me changes, I hope that it is the way God looks on me.

The shuttle will be here in 9 hours to pick me up for this amazing adventure I am about to embark on. Am I excited? That seems to be the question of the year. I don't know that I would describe my feelings as excited. I want to say that I am pleased that I made this decision. I believe that God is excited! I believe He sees things in me that I can't see or don't notice. I believe that He will use me in ways I find unfathomable. Therefore, I anticipate the journey with a peaceful, open-minded heart.

Pray for me.

Pray that I find God in China...a place where He is rarely recognized.

Pray that I feel God in China...when I am homesick for my best friend, my favorite people, and my mommy!

Pray that I see God in China...when the light goes on in the eyes of someone who didn't already know Him.

Pray that I hear God in China...in the voices of my teammates, the missionary and his wife, the songs on my iPod, and the very words that come from His lips to mine.

Pray that I know God in China...when I am teaching Him to others, or when I am being asked unforeseen questions.

Pray that I show God to China...to everyone I come in contact with...from the airport - to the apartment - to the park - to restaurants/markets - to public transportation - to the readers - and any other place I may set foot.

Please pray me through this mission!

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us." I John 5:14

*****************************************************

Lord, give me peace as I leave my home and go where you are leading me. Give me a sense of adventure as I find myself in a land unfamiliar to me. Give me the words to share You with others. Give me the love to show You to others. Give me the courage to do all that is needed, to say all that is expected, to teach all that is necessary to others so that they can know You.

Nerves, of course!!

2008-06-17T10:13:00.000-05:00

My head is about to explode. My heart will burst any second now! My stomach is doing flips and it keeps bumping into my bladder. My hands are shaking. My knees are weak. And I feel like the sky is falling in on me, pushing me down, crushing me into the ground.

What is wrong with me?!?

NERVES! Of course!!

I am about to climb onto a plane of 147,000 pounds of high-strength aluminum. (High strength aluminum???? Now, how is that supposed to float through the air and not be sucked straight down by the super strength of gravity? Flight is such a miraculous thing.)

I am about to soar around the globe to a country not known for its kindness. (No wonder my mom is so emtional about this whole thing.) To a country where not many speak my language, where they don't adopt my customs, where, well, I will just say it...they don't look like me. (I tend to hold the opinion that if you come to America and expect to stay and live here, you should learn to live like Americans. I wonder if the Chinese have the same opinion? Maybe this is God's way of changing my mind on that topic.)

I am about to live for almost three weeks in a land without sweet ice cream, ready made pizza, chocolate cookies. I am about to have to be experimental with toasted octopus legs, fried sea stars, dog brain soups, and crunchy chocolate covered grasshoppers. (Please Pray for my tummy!!! :)

I am about to be awake when you are asleep. Be working while you are snoring. Be teaching while you are dreaming. (Whew! I hope my body can adjust!) So please talk to God about me before you go to bed, for that will be when I am just getting up.

With all that out of the way, I just have one more thing to say:

I am about to take the most important trip of my life. I am about to teach the most important lesson there is to learn. I am about to spread the most important news ever to have been written. I am about to make my Lord known to those who have never even heard His name.
(And as nervous as I am, as much as I fret about all the little things, I know that God is right there with me every step of the way. I am not going through all this stomach flipping, heart bursting, fear alone.)

For the Word says:

"Be strong and courageous, and do not be afraid...The Lord goes with you each and everyday...He will not forsake you." Deut. 31:7

Thank you Lord, for giving me this assurance! Please take away my nerves so that my mind will allow me to enjoy new experiences. Let every move I make, every word from my mouth, every facial expression and body language, every tone of voice be pleasing to You.

China is Upon Us

2008-06-14T08:29:00.000-05:00

It is almost here! I can't believe 12 weeks went so quickly!!! But, in 5 short days, I will be sailing through the skies toward China. Now, let me tell you what...Each butterfly that has taken up residence in my tummy has a name: Excitement, Fear, Elation, Joy, Nervy, Anxious, Anticipation, Love, and Downright Ready to Go. (He is the most obnoxious of the bunch!)

You know, packing to be gone for almost 3 weeks is not an easy task! And trying to pack early is almost impossible...I realize that the clothes I want to take with me are the same clothes I need to be wearing for the last five days here at home.:) So that leaves the task of packing until Wednesday night. Ugh!

My plane leaves at 10 something on Thursday morning, but I will be leaving my house by shuttle at 6:30 am. I will be returning on the afternoon of Saturday, July 5. Think of me often as I will be thinking of you. Pray. Know that I love you! God is at work in our world and I am blessed to be a part of His plans!

Alwyas Working for Him,
Kathryn

Who defines you?

2008-06-11T13:04:00.000-05:00

So embarrassed to be late, I slid into one of the back pews of the funeral home, next to several other teachers. The service had already started and the booming voice of a charismatic preacher was echoing throughout the chapel. I was mesmerized by the sea of colorful hats that lay before me. Each one bobbed up and down in agreement with the message given to them. Everyone was decked out to the highest, each woman crowned with her best bonnet.

As my thoughts turned back to the service, I noticed that the preacher was offering the podium to anyone who wanted to give testimony to the life of the deceased.

Family and friends approached the podium and first introduced themselves before giving their testimony. These introductions were so interesting, and I remember wondering what I would say, if I were to be brave enough to give a statement.

Each person gave approximately the same opening words:

"Hi, I'm John Doe from USA Baptist Church, our pastor is Joe Smith."

OR

"Good Afternoon, my name is Jane Doe from America Methodist Church, our
pastor is Jack Blue."

And so on...

It was almost as if that is how they defined themselves...by who pastored their congregation. I just wanted to ask one of them, isn't it really God who should define us?

It is not my pastor who makes me who I am. It is not my preacher who saves me from sin and death. It is not the elders or the song leader or the Bible class teacher who gives me eternal life. It is simply Jesus...that is when I realized that my introduction would be simple and to the point.

Hi, I'm Kathryn Ponder, my savior is Jesus.

I pray that I will remember that Jesus is the head of my church, my job, and my life. He is the one whom I need to call upon when trying to define who I am and who I need to be.

In a Dark room full of Light!

2008-06-09T10:04:00.001-05:00

Being an adult, you would think the darkness wouldn't still be scary. But that is the one thing from my childhood that lingers...fear of being in completely unfamiliar darkness. I cower behind others to lead the way down dark paths to unforeseen destinations. This fear is sometimes so intense that it hinders me from adventures into the unknown.

But twelve weeks ago, I bit the bullet and stepped into a completely dark room and shut and locked the door behind me. In extreme fear, I decided to trust God.

While fumbling around in the blackness, I found there were other people inside that room as well. Each one of them had a glimmer of light to share with me. It may have simply been a matchstick, a lighter, or a small candle, but each offering provided a lamp of hope shining about me. I felt not so scared and not so alone.

A few days ago, as I was diligently trying to keep the light flickering on the match stick, someone opened the door to that dark room. Three someones to be exact. And when they entered the room, they flicked the light switch on. Glorious, magnificent radiance filled my eyes! Love and fulfillment, hope and understanding, trust and connection all came pouring in on me. I knew then that I could survive anything that my future holds.

***************************************************************************

Twelve weeks ago, I signed up to do mission work in China. It was like stepping into a dark room. I didn't know what I was getting myself into. As the weeks passed, I found that many people I knew had been on mission trips to far away places and they had much "light" to shed on the subject. Thank you for those match sticks, lighters, and candles. Finally, last Saturday night, I attended a presentation given by three men from HOCC who have just come back from China. It was like these guys came into my dark room and switched the light on. I get it now! I understand why I am going. I know that I have the compassion for these people, enough understanding of the Word to teach them, and the love of God behind me.

Thank you Steve, Malcom, and Gary for turning on the light for me!

Invited to the Table

2008-05-31T21:01:00.000-05:00

As I lay in a jumble of sleeping bags across the living room floor, the sounds of soft snoring cousins near by was not enough to lull me to sleep. The clinking of silverware and the steady rhythm of conversation coming from the table was much more interesting. The voices would talk of Christmas gifts, breakfast items, and the weather...all important topics. However, when Granddaddy thought all the children were asleep, he would bring up what was really on his mind...church.

I couldn't wait for that topic. I would close my eyes and will myself to stay awake. When it was time, there would be a long silence, then a sigh, and Granddaddy would be off and running.

He would bring up things about the sermon that morning or the song service. Sometimes they would even sing and hymn or two. Granddaddy was an elder and he would discuss decisions their church had made recently and how the congregation had taken to the new plans.

But the real fun started when an uncle would pull out the Bible. They would look up scriptures from that mornings lesson and have deep discussions on whether the preacher was right about his take on it. These conversations would go on for hours, sometimes until late in the night.

On Christmas eve of 1983, Dawn, the oldest cousin, got to sit at the table during this discussion. I felt a pang of jealousy as I curled up inside my sleeping bag on the floor. I was only 13, and still was not old enough to be invited to the table. I lay there listening to the snores of my cousins and the clinking of the silverware, longing to be part of the adult conversation about church things.

Alas, Granddaddy died before I was ever old enough to participate in any of these discussions. I find that even now, I feel like a child when it comes to the workings of the church. When we are faced with heartache and confusion as we have been in the past week, I want to run back to that sleeping bag to lay safely close by while my family hashes it all out.

However, God is slowly teaching me that I am the adult, now, and it is time for me to set my own table. I should choose carefully whom to invite to the table, but by all means, He should be at the top of the list. But, the real joy will come when we walk through the gates of heaven to sit at that banquet table, with God at the head, and discuss the happiness that lasts forever.

Knowing is not as great as I thought it would be

2008-05-29T23:00:00.000-05:00

You know I wanted to be right about the Tim thing (that is my pride talking), but I really didn't want to know that I was right. I am glad that we talked to Gary, but I didn't want Tim to go with me having bad thoughts about him. I am still trying to think that it was just all bad business and that nothing unGodly or unChristian has happened. I hate that we can't have one without the other...we can't have the preacher without the businessman. But I keep reassuring myself that God did this...not the elders...not the ministers...and NOT Tim.

Lord, I pray that Tim be able to hear Your voice in his decision making. I pray that You guide Tim to the place where You want him to be. I would hate to think that this incident would cause him to quit the ministry...his gift is too great for that to happen. Lord, ease...no, heal Tim's heart. Give him peace with all the hurt feelings and bad business that has gone on lately. Allow Tim to get past this and on with his life.

Hold Emily and the girls in the palm of your hand. Help them to be encouraging to their husband and daddy. Help them as a family make good choices for their future.

Damned Stubborn Will

2008-05-27T23:28:00.000-05:00

I grit my teeth and
grind them down.
He has captured me
in an inescapable bound.

Though years have passed
I am standing, STILL
chained firm by his
infamous, damned stubborn will.

His mind is set, and
he cannot be moved,
Though the ills of his actions
have been continuously proved.

I have had ENOUGH!!! So
I break my chains,
Push through the excuses,
and freedom I gain.

Like an eagle I am free
to soar high overhead
Praying he will change
before he winds up dead.

2008-05-26T23:19:00.000-05:00

Sunday, May 25:
Our preacher stepped down from his place as senior minister for HOCC today. It was a blow to everyone, as not many people saw this action coming. While I am saddened by this event, I fear for the righteousness of our church in the approaching weeks and months. We can't wake up from this terrible dream, so we have to figure out how to move forward. I pray there will not be grudges held, rumors flying, and gossip running rampit. I ask God that He will help each member of HOCC to keep a pure heart and our eyes on Him through this extremely tough battle.
The following passage is one I found in Psalm. I added my thoughts on the stanzas of this prayer David wrote to the Lord.

Psalm 11

In the Lord I take refuge

How then can you say to me:

Flee like a bird to your mountain.

The people of the Lord, those who attend HOCC, want to run and hide from this tough situation that has been presented to us. Some want to hide under the wing on the Lord, some want to hide from the Lord.

For Look, the wicked bend their bows;

they set their arrows against the strings

to shoot from the shadows

at the upright heart.

The arrows are like words spoken without thought to whom it might hurt. Who will be affected by the rumors and gossip of each syllable spoken from lips of misunderstanding and miscommunication. Just as a poison arrow pierces the skin, an angry accusative word pierces the heart. The poison of the arrow kills the human, the poison of words kill the spirit.

I warn you: be careful of the words you speak.

When the foundations are being destroyed, what can the righteous do?

Our foundation is definitely damaged!

How can we go forward without the leader we have known for 6 years?

We do it because we remember that Jesus is our foundation, not any earthly man. We love our church leaders, but Jesus is the only one who can truely lead us to Heavan.

The Lord is in His holy temple,

The Lord is on His heavenly throne.

Don't forget He is there. He was there when the decision was made for the dismissal/resignation. He was there Sunday morning during the dreadful announcement. He will be with Tim and Emily when they are trying to find a new place. He will be there when the elders are in search of a new preacher.

He observes the sons of men, His eyes examine them.

He will be there each moment you are deciding whether or not to gossip or slander those decision makers. He is there to listen to your tears, you heartache, your wants and desires, your anger at Him or others, your confusion.

Tell this to Him, what makes your heart ache, He is there for you.

The Lord examines the righteous,

but the wicked and those who love violence, His soul hates.

I believe we need to be very aware of our words and actions

in the coming months.

I pray that our congregation, our elders, our ministers will keep all eyes on the Lord. That we will examine ourselves before we decide to lay blame elsewhere. That we will examine our tongues before we speak. That we will examine information before we choose to believe it.

For the Lord is the righteous

Let us continue to be the righteous, as well!

For

He loves justice and upright men will see His face.

God may be the only on who really knows why all this tradgedy happened.

I believe He has a plan for HOCC.

And, I, for one, am anxious to see what He has in store for us.

I did it!

2008-05-24T12:00:00.000-05:00

Wow! I figured it out! Can't wait til I have something really cool to say! See ya then!

Figurin' thangs out

2008-05-24T11:27:00.000-05:00

This is my first attempt at this blogging thing. I will have much more to say when I figure this all out. Thanks for logging on!