This is my dad. This is what he was wearing the last time I saw him.Literally.
In his chair.
In his house.
On Father's Day.
Four days later, I flew away to China.
I got on a plane and flew far, far away from him.
My plan was to see him sitting here in his chair when I came home two weeks later. But when I returned, he was gone...
He was the one that supported me the most, emotionally, in my endeavor to take the mission to China.
He encouraged.
He prayed.
He asked about the details.
He hugged.
He was proud.
He loved.
And then he died...
I didn't get to stay in China.
I didn't get to complete my mission.
I didn't get to tell him about any of it.
Because before I could even get home, he was already gone...
So I find myself looking for Dad all over my world.
I am searching for him under every rock, in every nook.
He is everywhere and nowhere.
Dad is in Stephen and his ability to know when I need a hug.
Dad is in James Teague's voice inflection and mannerisms.
Dad is in Bruce's knowledge and willingness to help those he loves.
Dad is in James Rowe's body structure: hands, height, hair.
Dad is in Ben and Bryan and Jeff and their ability to "fix things".
Dad is in Uncle Jerry's physical likenesses.
Dad is there with Becky, Brandon, Glen, Uncle Bob, Dawn, Aunt Sharon, David, Diann, Aunt Bobby, Kricia, Adam, Jackie, Don, Eric, Melissa, Granny, Grandma, Shelly and their love for him.
Dad is in Jenny and her ability to take care of any and everything that is too hard for me to deal with.
Dad is in Mom and her knowledge of unspoken words, memories, and advice.
And
Dad is in me.
He is in my ability to go on.
He is in my willingness to fight for what I want.
He is in my strength, my compassion, my steadfastness, my stubborn streak.
Most of all,
Dad is in my heart.
I miss you, Dad.
2 comments:
Kathryn,
Again I am in awe of your ability to put feelings into words. I love you my sister :)
Kathy:
I absolutely LOVE that picture of Uncle Jr. -- that is SO him!!! I was also glad to learn that he spent his last day doing what he wanted to and that it was something that he LOVED!!!
You are so right. Uncle Jr. is with me every single day!!! Every time I think of him I think of the day we learned they were unable to do Mom's surgery because her cancer had already spread and your dad was the one who followed me, while I was crying my eyes out and screaming, down the elevator and outside the hospital and gave me the biggest bear hug I have ever had. And in his own quiet, gentle, caring way told me, "It was going to be okay," even though we knew it wasn't.
I will forever miss his hugs, his kisses, and his saying, "I love you." As much as we thought we "hated" him growing up, he really was always my favorite. I am so grateful for the special bond that he and I always had.
I know that today he and Mom are looking down on all of us and are still helping us get through each day, one day at a time. (I'm sure Mom is also still giving him a hard time, which he probably deserves every once in a while.)
I want to thank you, Jenny, Jeff, and Aunt Una for sharing your dad and husband with all of us. He truly touched all of our lives in a very special way.
I love you!!!
Cousin Becky
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